Happy New Years!

Hope all of you have a safe and happy new years!

Unfortunately I woke up with a cold this morning! Ughhh! For the last 9 months I have avoided all the germs...and I wake up on the last day of 2009 sick as a dog. Almost as a last "HA" from 2009 since it was such a sucky year. Besides concieving my little girl, I am happy to KISS 2009 GOODBYE!
To make matters worse I just looked outside and its snowing like crazy. So here I am, 9 months pregnant, stuck at work, sick and its snowing. Could the last day of the year get any better??? I just want to go home!!!!

I am going to play the pregnant sick card and get the F outta here!!!

Happy New Years!!! 2010 here we come!!!

Merry Christmas!

My husband loves to spoil me. Almost to the point where it makes all the other ladies in the office hate me! He loves to send me flowers - but he also knows how much I love flowers. He has sent me flowers for all occasions. Anniversary, Birthday, Christmas, Easter, Just Because...

I am so lucky to have such a wonderful and thoughtful husband...

Roses and Calla Lilies - 2 of my favorite flowers

What State Do You Live In?

This article makes me what to move to another state!
I live in New Jersey and its the 3 to last happiest state in the US...how sad is that??
I think its time for me to move to Florida!!!
How happy is your state?

http://www.livescience.com/culture/091217-happy-state-list.html

15 work days left

Yes I am actually counting down the work days that I have left! 15 to go! I officially begin my maternity leave on January 13th!! I can not wait...I still have so much 'nesting' to do and relaxing to do before she gets here...I cant believe that in 6 weeks time, I will be a mom!!

I also only have 3 weeks left until I am FULL TERM! I am so grateful and thankful for getting this far. And I pray that I will soon have my little girl in my arms!

I know that I dont blog as much but I still read all your posts and comment when I have something good to say. I am praying for each and every one of you ladies still trying...and I am always so excited to hear when another one of us gets blessed with a BFP. Its funny, but I talk about you girls all the time, even though I have never met any of you...

I hope all of you have a Happy Holiday!!!
Thank goodness 2010 is almost here...I am so ready for 2009 to be over!

so tired...

I am tired. So tired. I didnt even have that crazy of a weekend and I dont feel 'refreshed' whatsoever! All we did was cut down our Christmas tree, decorate it, wrap some gifts and do some Christmas shopping. And today I am soooooo tired, sore, and a little cranky.

I am still enjoying my pregnancy - dont get me wrong - but I am sooooo ready to be done with work. 4 weeks and counting down!! Luckily 2 of those weeks are short. I also still have a sick day I can use if need be...

I could go for a nice, relaxing massage too! I asked for one for Christmas so hopefully santa will be good to me! :)

Baby Shower Pics

Long time coming but here are a few...

30 weeks

I am getting huge! Here is a pic of me at 30 weeks and I think I have gained about 5 pounds in the past 2 weeks so its not even that accurate! I cant keep up...

Not the greatest day...

Well Grandma passed away the other night :(

We knew it was coming but it is still so sad. I dont think it hit me until this morning. I started to think about all the fun times we all had, the nice things she did for my husband and I and just having her spunky personality around to laugh with! She will be greatly missed. RIP - Francis Emily.

I also got my glucose test back and that came back normal. Wheeeewww! I was worried about that one! But they did say that I have a bladder infection. I dont feel like I do but I guess I do. So now I am off to get my prescription and then to the wake.

Hope all of you have a better weekend then I'm gonna have!

PAIN!

Oh my have I had some pain lately! If any of you have had this kind of pain let me know...

It is a burning/tender/tingling feeling right under my right breast. It usually hurts me the most when I sit in a chair. Standing makes the pain go away almost immediately and laying down is a crap shoot. It is a constant pain and reminds me of when I had shingles (horrible) only this pain has been going on for weeks and the pain hasn't increased or moved around my body so I know its not shingles. I originally thought it was my bra with the under wire but when I bought new ones and nothing changed I started to worry.

I told my OB and she didn't seem like it was a concern, said that a lot of women complain about that pain. I asked a nurse at my childbirth class and she said that it could be the uterus and organs being pushed up..causing the pain, or just stretching of the skin and muscles.

I also went to Dr Google and found out that your Gallbladder and Liver are in that same area but I don't have any other symptoms of those kinds of problems, so at least I ruled that out. I found other girls who have had this pain and says that it stays around until you give birth but should subside afterwards. So I guess I'll just have to deal. It is just an annoying pain, that scares me but I think, I hope its just normal. Anyone ever had/have this pain before???

U/S and OB Appointments

Holy cow..I just typed a book and lost the entire thing!! Unbelievable.

So anyways...I went to my u/s appointment last week. Because of my low papp-a (the protein the the placenta) I have to get an u/s at 28 and 34 weeks to make sure that the baby is growing properly. The u/s tech told me that I have NOTHING to worry about!! Baby is growing just fine and in fact she is in the 75 percentile of weight for this gestational age. She is over 3 pounds already!! So no worries on the growth part...

Then I headed over to my OB for my regular checkup. Everything is good. I then mentioned to her about the weight of the baby. She said that we are going to have to keep an eye on my little girl to make sure she doesn't get too big!! Oh my!! If she does get big then she might not be able to fit through my pelvic bone...hence have a C-Sect............

Now this may sound a bit complain-ey but I REALLY want to give birth naturally. After 2 years of not being able to conceive on my own, then having to go through IVF to get there, makes me feel like I was robbed of the real thing. Just the fact that they had to take my embies away from me, fertilize them scientifically and then put them back makes me feel like I am different. I think I would be more content if the IUI's worked. Regardless I am okay with what I had to get done - I would have done anything to get this little one. :) But it does make me even more determined to have this baby naturally. I really don't want to be robbed of that too!

I know that C-Sections are becoming more and more common and even preferred but this is just something that I want. I guess we will just have to wait and see how it goes. However it does happen ... all I want is for the baby to be happy and healthy!!

My Shower

Just a quick post to say that I had my shower yesterday. I was really nice and I am so thankful for such wonderful family that I have and how generous everyone was. I am going to post some pictures up later on in the week so stay tuned...hope you all had a nice weekend.

I cant believe the holidays are here already! I am kinda glad to have 2009 be over though...it was such a crappy year.

My Halloween

I am a little late on this but my Halloween was nice and relaxing! My hubby and I stayed home and handed out candy to all the kids. I live in a nice neighborhood so we always get a lot of trick or treaters. I just love seeing all the kids in their cute costumes...especially the babies and toddlers! I decided to dress up my little one too! hehe...

Updates

Yesterday I got the flu shot...was a bit on the fence about it, but decided it was better to have gotten it than not. The last thing that I need is to be hospitalized in my third trimester because of the flu! When I went into see my doctor I asked him if I could get the shot in my butt...he looked at me kinda funny. HAHA I guess many people don't ask that! He then said that it actually hurts a lot less in the butt but for convienence and comfort factor most people want it done in the arm. I told him that when I was going through infertility, I had to get progesterone shots in my butt everyday for about 10 weeks straight! So it was nothing for me to get this shot...I didn't even feel it! For anyone that hasn't gotten the shot yet...I recommend the hiney!! :)

One more week until I am in the third trimester...I cant believe it. Time is flying by and I am getting bigger by the minute. Someone said to me at work the other day that this is the happiest that they have seen me. (I have been at my job for about 4 years) That made me smile. I also hear a lotthat I am one of the happiest pregnant women they have ever met. It probably is true though...I never complain and I always have a smile on my face. I am really enjoying my pregnancy - yes of course there are things to complain about, but who wants to hear about that! :)

Speaking of complaining (hehe)...I can see why they say that the second trimester is the best. I am starting to get big and clumsy, I can't drive as good as I used to, and I totally have preggo brain!!! Its crazy that it takes me 5 minutes just to put on my socks and shoes in the morning! I cant imagine how its going to be in a month or two! hahaha No but I really do enjoy my pregnancy its just funny how you have to re-adjust everything you do, all day long to accommodate this ever so large and growing belly.

Everything else is going pretty good. Well, my grandma isn't doing so well actually. We just found out unexpectedly that she has cancer. She only has about a month to live. Its really hard for me and my husband. He keeps saying that he wished she could hang on long enough to see our child. :( its really sad. I also don't think she really understands what is going on either. She cant eat, cant keep anything down and just seems miserable. We try and go to see her every other day - that always lightens up her mood. She just loves her grandchildren!

Anyways hope everyone is having a good week...

My Girlfriend

My girlfriend got me a onesie for the baby today. She knew everything that I went through to get to this point....which makes it so meaningful and special to me. She said she saw it and had to get it. Its a bad picture since I took it with my phone but the saying at the top says "wishes do come true" :)

26 Weeks!

Ahhh 26 weeks. If you look closely you can see that my belly button is starting to pop! haha I cant believe I am down to less than 100 days left! It's crazy how fast time flies. I also have a picture of Baby Girls first outfit. A girlfriend bought this for her. I think it's about time I did some shopping for her too!! :) Honestly I have been too nervous until a little while ago.

Baby Room Pictures!

Its been a long time coming but I have finally put some pictures on my computer.
Here is the baby furniture that we got...it's bare bones so I'll have an updated picture after my shower. Baby girl has a tiny room, but I think it will make it all the more cosy!

The Kohl's Doorman

I don't know if all of you ladies have a Kohl's by you but I do and the one by me has a doorman. He just hangs out between the double doors and makes sure that the doors are open for the customers as they walk in and out of the store.

Well I went to Kohl's on lunch today to return something and as I was leaving the guy was holding the door open for me. I said to him.."I'm coming" waddling towards the door "I'm carrying a little big of extra weight these days" Well that must have struck a cord with him because he was overly happy that I was pregnant. He was asking me all kinds of questions...he then went on to say that when he and his wife finally got pregnant after 17 years of trying....I smiled and told him that we had some difficulty too. Not nearly as long as him, but we had some trouble. He was such a breath of fresh air. He kept telling me to enjoy my pregnancy and my child because they grow up so quick. He gave me a few tips and tricks for the future too...

After about a 15 minute conversation with the Kohl's doorman I walked away with a big smile on my face. It was nice to have a conversation with a man who was so happy about life. Knowing that he went through 17 years of infertility to finally get his child also leaves hope for the many others out there still ttc. He definitely made my day! :)

Babymoon

So tomorrow night we leave for our babymoon! We are very excited.

For those of you who have not heard of a babymoon, it's a vacation that you go on during your pregnancy as a "final hoorah" It's a great way for you to relax, enjoy your pregnancy and enjoy a last vacation with just you and the hubs! It is a new and upcoming thing and there are a few babymoon packages out there...we found a sweet deal!

Since we are trying to save every last dime that we make, we decided another trip to Hawaii was out of the question! (like it was ever in question to begin with) We decided to take a long weekend and go away to a bed-in-breakfast in PA. It is more of a modern B&B with a breakfast buffet and seating for couples. I didnt really want to have a set time, sit-down breakfast with Grandma! hahaha

The package comes with a few specialties. First you get one of their suites...with fireplace and everything! You also get a couples massage (a prenatal for the Mrs), a $50 gift certificate to eat at a nice restaurant in town, a $25 gift certificate to a baby store in town, and a gift basket for mother and baby!

Should be a nice, relaxing time!

Movies

So this weekend was pretty nice, relaxing. I saw 2 movies that were both excellent yet completely different from each other. Friday I went to go see the movie "Couples Retreat" Totally hilarious!!! But there are trigs in the movie - as one couple going through infertility - wants to get a divorce. I must say though I was kinda happy to see infertility recognized on the big screen. I dont think many people understand just how big of a deal infertility is and how much it can affect a relationship. The other movie I CRIED MY EYES OUT. I was crying so hard that my husband was laughing at me!!! hahaha It was called "7 pounds". Its the kind of movie that you watch and say to yourself what the heck is going on!! And then it all comes together at the end for a heart-wrenching, tear jerking conclusion. But totally worth watching.

That was pretty much my weekend. TMI - Oh but I did have really bad gas on Sunday. I have had gas before but never this bad. I couldn't even get up off the couch!!! I read on the Internet that milk is good for coating your tummy and stops it from hurting. Too bad I read that late in the day after suffering through it all day long!!!

My weekend was pretty boring otherwise, but it was nice to do nothing!!! Next weekend should be a lot of fun. Hubs and I are going on a babymoon. :)

Spotting scare

Hey girls! Its has been a while I know, I have been a very bad blogger. I do check the blog and comment from time to time, but haven't had anything really to write in my blog. Until now...

I had a pretty good scare the other day. I started spotting. I have heard that it is normal to spot during pregnancy, but I only really heard of it in the beginning (implantation) NOT at 22 weeks. I went to my OB and she checked everything. She wanted me to get an ultrasound just to make sure that it wasn't my cervix or placenta. So off I went to see the ultrasound technician. She had to do an internal and external ultrasound (but I am very familiar with that process!) She said that my cervix was closed and as long as it could possibly be. (she said that I would be proud if I was a man hahaha) She was pretty confident that it was not the reason for my bleeding. She then check for my placenta to make sure there wasnt any tears and that it was at the top - which it was. She also said that there was no fluid in the gestational sac which could I guess indicate bleeding internally. But nope there was nothing. Thank goodness for the good news!!

Of course the doc told me and hubs no "action" boo-hoo for him! hehe And the spotting stopped about 3 days or so. They have no idea what it could be from but their best guess was that it was left over from implantation. Who knows...and who cares as long as everything is okay right?!?!

Ill tell ya though, I was super scared.

It's a..............

GIRL!!!
Jay and I went to our Level II ultrasound today. Everything went very well. Baby is good, growing properly and everything else looked good too. I'll tell ya though these people really have a trained eye. She said that it was a girl before she even zoomed in on the 'area' ! LOL When she did zoom in I totally saw the 3 little lines. My baby girl. I cant believe that I am going to have a baby girl. It was weird to finally start calling baby...she.

I will not lie though, as soon as she told me it was a girl I did get a little nervous. I think it was/is more of a shock factor than anything. All kinds of things popped into my head, all the good and bad things that a little girl can get herself into! I know that Jay and I will have our work cut out for us. But it's work that is totally worth it!

We are so happy!!

Sharp pain on lower left side after going potty!

So I am writing to see if any of you ladies have ever had this issue...

After I urinate and I stand up I get a sharp pain in the lower left side of my groin. It feels like my bladder. When this happened to me about a month ago I thought I was getting a bladder infection. So I called my OB, explained this to her. She gave me meds to go on and took a sample. The sample came back negative and the problem went away after a day or so.

Well its back again. No more or less severe and it usually only hurts for a second or two, but I find it weird that its right after I urinate! My OB didn't really have anything else to say about it so I don't even know what she would say if I call her again. I might still call her if the symptoms don't go away in the next day or so.

When I searched on the internet mostly what I found was bladder infections (which I know its not) or kidney stones. The only other thing that I saw was that maybe the baby is sitting on a nerve near my bladder which causes pain after I empty it. I don't know how much credit I give to that though - it was only a yahoo answer.

Has any of you ladies have had this issue or heard about it? Any opinions?

I know I haven't been blogging lately - hope all of you are doing well!
Congrats to the latest bpf's and love to all tcc!!!
Have a wonderful LONG weekend.

A Second Blog

I have decided to start another blog.

I am not getting rid of Baby Steps... but I am going to make a new one for my pregnancy and baby memories. The main reason is so I can invite my IRL friends and family to view it as well (something I did not do for my IF blog) so yes it will be edited! :)

I am still going to visit this blog, post small updates and see how all of you girls are doing - I am not going anywhere!

If you are still following my blog and want to continue to do so this will be the newest site that I set up. http://familylife48.blogspot.com/

I love all of you girls and thank you for all your love and support!!! And I hope I do the same for you! :)

Some bumps in the road.

I had an easy pregnancy at first, but now in my second trimester when things are suppose to get easier, I have it a little harder. A few weeks ago I have been experiencing some tailbone pain. Doc says that there is nothing I can do about it, just deal with the pain. It just stinks that I have a desk job and sit on my bum for 8 hours a day! I bought that doughnut and it helps!

Yesterday I think I had what they call is Round Ligament Pain. It was a sharp then a dull ache in my lower left side of my abdomen. At first I got scared and thought it was something worse, but when I looked it up online and in my books it reassured me that it was RLP. It is completely normal - its the stretching of your uterus to accomodate the growing baby. Its just one of those things that again you just have to deal with the pain. :)

Then this morning I woke up and went to the bathroom. After I urinated I had some mild cramping. I couldnt even stand up right away. After a minute I was fine but it is still something alarming to me. I called my doc but they aren't open until 10am so I am going to call back then. It could be a bladder infection or just from holding in a lot of pee for too long (which I think I did last night)....so who knows!

I am not complaining in the least, its just that all these things make me worry!!! Since it took so much for me to get me here - I dont want to take any chances.

I cant stand ignorant people.

I was at work in the cafeteria this morning and the janitor asked when I was due. So I told him and the conversation progressed. He goes on to tell me that his nephew & wife were having trouble getting pregnant - they went through IUI's. Supposedly that didn't work but they got pregnant TAB. He then went on to say that you don't need to do all that "silly stuff" and "just have fun trying and it will happen when its suppose to happen" Ughhh! If I had a dollar for every time I heard that!!

I simply said, "Oh buddy your talking to the wrong girl. I whole-heartily believe in how science can help. I also said that my little one would not be here without the help of science. And besides the 'fun' totally wears off after years of trying" I also told him that infertility is out there and that it affects 1 in 6 couples! I totally laid it all out for him. I didn't care if he wanted to hear it or not. If he had the gall to say that, then he should be able to hear what I have to say right?!?!

The best part...in the end of the conversation he goes on to say how he and his wife were "made to have children" and that they kept popping them out one by one. Well then I guess you have NO IDEA what infertility is all about and you should stop being so IGNORANT!!!

Even though I have beat my infertility (for now) the whole subject still leaves me saddened and how insensitive and ignorant people are to it makes me sick! I never had the ability to lay it all out for people who didn't understand before, but now what do I have to lose? If I can make one person in this world understand infertility a little bit better, then that is one less person's insensitivity we have to deal with! :)

My Little One

Some good news...and some not so good news.

Well I got the call. The call that I have been waiting for. It was my blood test results for the down syndrome/tristomy. The lady that called didn't seem to enthusiastic which worried me right from the start. But she did tell me some good news. We are at a very low risk of both DS and Tristomy. Whew!

But then she went on to say that I have a low papp-a. This is the protein in the baby's placenta. My number was 1. I think the normal range is 2-3. When I googled it (yeah I know, I shouldn't) most ladies with a low papp-a were at a .5 and below. So I am thankful that it could be worse. I asked her if there was anything I can do or did and she said no. I asked her if I needed to eat more protein, hahaha, it obviously doesn't work like that. She said that there was nothing I could do. The only thing that I need to do is get an ultrasound every month to ensure that the baby is growing properly. The last ultrasound (which was less than a week ago) the baby was right on schedule. I just pray to God that this baby keeps growing. I kinda stinks feeling so helpless! I wish I could do something about this!!!

But like I said it could be worse - and I am so thankful for all the good news that I did receive.

So far so good

I had my screening test today. The lady was super nice and told us that everything looked really good. I just have to wait for the blood tests to come back which will be in a week or so.

I also cheated...I looked at u/s pictures of boys and girls before we went. This way I knew what to look for And I think I just may be having a girl...I saw the hamburger! :) hahaha Jay still wants it to be a boy, but something has told me all along that it is a girl - and now I am even more certain! But I am still going to wait till 20 weeks to be sure - no buying baby clothes just yet!

No Thank You!

Imagine if this bill went through - WE, taxpayers, would be paying for people to kill their babies! No Thank You!

At least the democratic lawmakers opposed this....
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090722/ap_on_go_co/us_health_care_overhaul_abortion

Tomorrow

I am a little nervous. I go to the doctors tomorrow for my screening test. I did the bloodwork last week, and go for the u/s tomorrow. I wonder how long it will take to get the results. Then Thursday will put baby at the 13 week mark. I cant wait to finally get out of the first trimester - its so nerve-wracking!! Hopefully after this week I can relax a little more.

Major Wardrobe Malfunction!

Oh boy! I know that I am starting to show but I didn't think I was going to have to go shopping already?!?! I tried to put on 8 different pairs of pants today and not a one could I pull up over my thighs/butt! I couldn't believe it. I don't really need shirts yet - I am kinda pulling them off with the Bella band or a cammy underneath for length, but the pants totally don't fit anymore.

I have a few pants, but its shorts, skirts, and Capri's that I am having an issue with. I think that I gained some weight from last summer to now (all the times that I swore I was preggo when I wasn't) I bet I was eating a bit too much! LOL

So now I am paying the price by not fitting into any of my summer work clothes! I think I am going to go out and buy some cute summer dresses. This way I can wear them now to hold me off until September and I will still be able to wear them when I am not preggo anymore. Its just a matter of finding those cute summer dresses! I think I am going to try and do some shopping this weekend! DH wont be happy about that! :)

Finally!

I went to the OB again today. I finally got to see my baby, this past month just dragged on way to long! Baby looked so precious and was moving all around, jumping and showing me the legs, feet and hands! Its was really amazing to see my baby actual look like a baby! :)

I thought I was going for my NT test and blood work but I didn't realize that they don't do any of that there. I have to go to another doctor that specializes in Maternal Fetal Medicine - so I had to make a quick appointment to get it done within the next week. Luckily the doctor I called had an appointment open next Wed. So that was good.

The bad part was that my OB told me since we went through IVF with ICSI that she would recommend an amino. I have still yet to talk to Jay about that. I don't think we are going to do it unless our numbers from the screening test don't come back so good. Lets hope for 1 in a million! LOL The whole amino scares me...imagine if you find out that your baby was fine, but you ended up miscarrying because of the test. I don't know if I would ever forgive myself.

I got a picture, but its not that good so I am going to wait until next week in hopes that we get a better picture.

Oh yeah and I know I am starting to get a belly already but my sister in law didn't need to tell me that I am "probably just eating too much!" Please! Everyone pops at their own rate - I just happen to pop a little sooner than most. I thought that comment was a little rude.

Anyways I hope you all have a wonderful week.

I told my sister

I was so nervous to tell my sister that we are expecting. I was in fear that she would be a brat about it, or not all that excited for us. Well, she did surprise me, with a little bit of what I was expecting. First off I haven't seen her since I found out so about 15 minutes after talking with her, she looked at me and asked "whats different about you?" I guess she just figured that I was - knowing from my mother that I went through IVF.

I told her and the next words out of her mouth were... "I told you so! I told you that it was going to happen." I just knew that she would push it in my face somehow. I ignored it the first time but when she said it again I decided to tell her "well I don't think you know what I had to go to through to get here." She said "well yeah, but your pregnant - and with science I knew it was bound to happen." I kinda felt like slapping her, but I refrained myself. If she only knew or maybe if she was the least bit supportive in the last 2 years of my life maybe she wouldn't have said these things. So I just brushed it off, hugged her, she cried and it was over.

The next day she called me. "How are you feeling?" "Do you have this book or that book?" "I have a bunch of maternity clothes that I can give you." "If you have any questions, just call!" Its like she did a 360 over night. But I guess I will take what I can get. Although it is still hard for me to forget the last 2 years.

I talked to my mother and she said that my sister immediately called her to tell her "I told you so, too" We came to the conclusion that she thinks I was overreacting about not being able to get pregnant, hence the lack of love and support I guess. If she thinks that shooting myself up with meds, 2 inch needles in my ass, doctors and blood tests galore, etc etc isn't a big deal...well then I would like to see her go through it! :)

Funny thing is too - she thinks that I conceived right after her giving me that note. You know - the one that stressed me out and pissed me off even more. The one where she told me that I was rushing having a baby and I should enjoy my Independence and marriage. Well she thinks that because of her, because of that fabulous note - I am now pregnant. She is something!

But all in all I am happy with the outcome. I was expecting worse, so this was a nice surprise. And when it all comes down to it, it is mine and Jay's life together - no one elses!

NIGHTMARE!

First off I want to thank you ladies for all your kind words when I was thinking bad thoughts. I will tell you that since then I have put that kind of thinking behind me. I figured that there is nothing I can do - so why stress myself out about it.

I knew that a dream/nightmare like this would eventually happen, but I didn't know that it would happen to this severity. It was the most realistic dream I have EVER had - and I remember my dreams every night (I always have). So here was the dream I had last night:
(might be a little graphic)

First flash was me in the bathroom, I was upset but I didn't know why yet. I looked down at the toilet seat and there was blood all over the seat, in the toilet and on the floor. I then looked at my hands and there was blood on them too. It took me a second but I realized that I was having a miscarriage - and it was bad. When I looked around me there were strangers staring at me. They looked at me like I was a freak. I told them that I was loosing my baby. They simply said that its no big deal and you will get pregnant again. I then screamed at them about how long it took me to get to this point and what I had to do to actually get pregnant!!!! They still looked at me like I was crazy. I ran in to the next room and found my mother and father. I flew into my mothers arms and started hysterically crying.

(real life now) I realized that I was now coming to - slowing waking up. I could hear myself whining and I could feel my eyes starting to swell. The next thing I knew I was sitting up in my bed hysterical crying - and didn't know why. I obviously woke up my husband. He asked what was wrong and all I could do was cry. He made me lay back down beside him while he rubbed my belly and told me everything was going to be okay.

Weird thing is that I never told him what my dream entailed. Its almost like he knew what had happened - what my dream was about. This happened last night and I have yet to talk to him. Maybe I said something in my sleep?? Even if he didn't know a thing, he was still the sweetest man in the world about it. He comforted me and made me feel so much better.

Still it was the weirdest thing to have such an emotional, vivid dream that it not only wakes you up in the middle of the night but causes you to hysterically cry too!

I am okay now though, no bad thoughts! :)

My mind is playing tricks on me.

I have this overwhelming feeling like I miscarried. I know it could be all in my head so I am hoping that you girls can talk some sense into me. I am about 9 and a half weeks. The last time I saw bambino and heard the heartbeat was at 8 weeks. Being that I got to see the baby once a week it was a definite guarantee that he/she was still alive and growing.

I not going to the OB until another 3 weeks! And I am wondering if this is the reason for my concern. I know that this is common, especially in the early stages, but I just cant seem to shake the feeling. There are two reasons why I feel this way...one is that my boobs no longer hurt as much as they did and two (which may sound silly) but I broke 2 nails. I read somewhere that it would raise suspicion of a miscarriage if your nails suddenly start to break. They have been long, lustrous and beautiful for the past 8 weeks and now just this week they started to break. WTH!!

I read about a missed miscarriage and one way to notice that you had one is for your preggo symptoms to disappear. Figures that other than my boobs - I didn't really have any other symptoms to go by. I was gagging at one point but I realized that it was my prenatal vitamins and once I switched brands the gagging stopped.

The only thing I still hold onto is the fact that I am still getting a very, very mild cramping everyday. I have had it since I first found out and still to this day. It is the only thing that keeps me going that there is still something going on in there.

This is so nerve wracking!!! This constant worry just stinks!!

I'm Sick!

Yuck. I have a sore throat!! Its all scratchy and is making me cough a lot...which doesnt help the gagging. fun, fun :) It just goes to show you that no matter how healthy you are, taking your vitamins and eating healthy...you are still going to get sick. I just hope my body can fight off the infection quickly and I can get back to enjoying my pregnancy! Because right now I just want to rip my throat out!!! I need to go home and sleeeeeep.

I have been released.

From my RE's care, I now move on to the OB/GYN. It is a great feeling, but I know that I am still not out of the woods yet..........

The icing on the cake!

HAHA. I just got an email at work...saying that there has been a promotion!!! Are you flipping kidding me?!?!?! I don't know how my work can blatantly lie to us, use us and abuse us! I didn't know the promotion freeze only affected certain people. I don't understand how they can do that! This place makes me so mad.

Thanks girls...for your kind and inspiring words. I know that I should just stick it out. I want my maternity leave...all of it...all 4/5 months of it. So I am going to stay, tough it out and then look for a new job while on my leave. Its the only thing I can do. It sucks but I am not number one anymore :) I have to do right by the baby! Thanks again girls...you always know how to make me feel better!

Feeling Stuck!

They are dropping like flies...my co-workers that is. In the last month I have seen about 10 people leave my job. Not good. The place is a mess and its just not fun to work here anymore. Granted I know that the economy is not doing that well - but all these people are finding jobs...I should be able to too!

I don't really feel appreciated at my job. I have been here for 3 years and stuck through thick and thin. It seems it has been at its ultimate low this past year and I am still here. They put a salary increase, hiring and promotion freeze for an entire year. And figures it was going to be the year that I was going to get a promotion. So of course I am not seeing a promotion or an annual raise until next September! Such bullshit.

On top of all of that. There are suppose to be 3 graphic designers handling all the crap that they throw at us. They hired me as the 3rd, 3 years ago. Since then one of the graphic designers left and it has been hell ever since. I have had to deal with 2 people doing the work load of 3 (or more) people for the last 2 years and frankly I am sick of it!!! They hired a part timer (who was pretty slow and hard to work with) and promised they would hire her full time this September. Well she just gave in her 2 weeks today and now they are saying that they want to hire someone part time again. Get the fluck outta here. I have waited for over a year for a 3rd designer and they are going deny us because of 2 months?!?! It doesn't even make sense anyways - By the time they get someone in here, train them...it will be August, September anyways. It just frustrates me how they take advantage of me and the other designer. We are fed up.

So my dilemma is....I would love to find another job, but with me expecting - how can I possibly do that?!!? I guess I have to just deal with it until I go on maternity and then try and find a job then. If I get a new job now - I would have hardly any maternity - and I DON'T want that. It just sucks how this all is playing out.

If they don't hire a full timer - I really feel like I should get a decent raise and a title change, but I know that is not going to fly with them. (even though I found out that another girl got a raise when her co-worker went out on maternity leave - and this was after the freeze!) I hate the politics in this place!

I am sorry - none of this probably makes any sense. I just needed to get it out. I am so raged right now I don't know what to do....I want more money, a new job, not to be taken advantage of...probably how a lot of people feel right now!

Ultrasound #3

I went to the RE again today for my third ultrasound. Everything looked great - Bambino is getting big! :) The heartbeat is still going at a rate of 145bmp. They also told me that I am going to have to go one more time and then I start going to an OB. My next appointment is on Wednesday. Another good thing is that I am going to finish up this week of the shots - and then I am done!!! Yeah!!! Ill tell ya though, I did get kinda use to taking them. It became such a routine that it didn't even phase me anymore, nor did they hurt anymore either.

So that's all I have to update, hope all are having a good weekend.

How Embarassing!

I was in the ladies room at my work coughing and heaving (I'm lucky that I am not throwing up, but its still early) and the HR lady whose office sits across from the bathroom came into the bathroom to ask if I was okay!! Crap - I didnt know I was that loud! If I keep this up everyone at my work will know that I am KU!

I had to make up this lame excuse that I was having a coughing fit!

I always feel like I should run to the bathroom, because the off chance that I do throw up I dont have my entire department witnessing it!!

Ultrasound #2

We heard the heartbeat!!! It was the sweetest sound I have ever heard - and I totally teared up. The RE said that everything looks great and Bambino's heartbeat is at 114bpm's!! I didn't get to see the flicker - but the hubs said he saw it. :) The image of the ultrasound didn't come out to well, but I thought it was cool to see the sound waves of Bambino's heartbeat!

Well that's about it - hope you all are having a great weekend!

Emotional Rollercoaster.

So far I have been on one hellofa ride! One minute I am happy, then next I am crying, and the next I am depressed! I cant seem to get a grip on my emotions! Its crazy!

About a week before I would get my period I would be like this...but for only a day or 2, so it was easier to handle. I dont mind my crazy emotions so much, but I am sure that my husband wishes it were over! LOL - poor guy!

Hope everyone has a wonderful weekend!

GAG

Well I cant say that I have thrown up at all...but I can say that I cant stop gagging! I get a little nauseous, run to the toilet and GAG. I almost want to throw up because then maybe the nasty nausea will go away. It started a few days ago...and I have about 6 more weeks to go! :)

I dont care though...I am just happy that I am starting to 'feel' preggo!

Ultrasound #1

Saturday was the big day. I must admit I was nervous!!!
We have one lil bean (but I figured that since I only put 1 embie back) and he/she is so precious, I fell in love at first sight! :) RE says that everything looks great. I am 5 weeks along - and I go back next Saturday for a heartbeat. Beta #3 was a whopping 4,377!! Bambino is kinda hard to see but he/she is that little white spec in the black gestational sac. So Tiny!!! My EDD is January 28, 2010

What do I do???

I have a friend, lets call her Lea. Lea has a sister named Mel. Mel is married but separated and is cheating on her husband with another man (who is married himself) Now Lea does NOT approve of this and has expressed her concern. BUT is still there for her sister and still supports and loves her sister. To me that is what "being sisters" is all about. I just find it ironic that my sister cant even support me and my husband trying to have a baby and Lea can support and love her sister Mel cheating. Frankly it pisses me off...

Okay so some back history - my sister and I are not on good terms. For the past year or so she really hasn't been the best sister. Ignorant about my infertility, unsupportive in my decisions to try and get pregnant, and voiced her opinions of "concern". A few times I tried to reach out to her for her love and support and pretty much got denied. She never really showed me that she cared about anything that I was going through - emotionally or physically.

As most of you know I decided to go through IVF about 2 months ago. Since my sister didn't even know about any of my infertility visits, clomid, IUI's, injectables - why should I tell her that I was going through something as evasive as IVF? Well my mom ended up telling her. Fine. So she knows. She has since called and talked to me twice and not once brought that or the subject of me trying to have a baby! But instead shoved the fact that her 2 kids have been annoying her lately; Not something I really cared to hear at that point.

So my issue is....I have to tell her at some point that I am pregnant. So how am I going to do that? When is the right time to do so? I think I want to wait until the second tri. She has 2 kids - both at an age where they would understand what it would mean to be pregnant. What I was thinking was...Maybe I ask the kids (with my sister in earshot of course) if they wanted a baby cousin. And say..."because your Aunt Ashley and Uncle Jason are having a baby!" This way I tell the kids and my sister all at once and I don't have to confront her and tell her myself. Something that I would rather not do since she has been SO UNSUPPORTIVE during the past year and half of my life.

Looking back on my childhood dreams I never would have thought that this would be the outcome of the 2 biggest events in my life. (marriage and baby) Who would have thought that my own sister would be the last to know that I am pregnant, or show up really late to my wedding. But I guess that goes without saying that Things Never Happen The Way They Are Planned!

So help me girls!!! What do I do????

Changing Meds

It happened again. I got hives again last night around the same time. I would say a little bit worse and even on my arm a little bit, not just the legs. I called the nurse and ordered the new progesterone. This one is in olive oil instead of sesame oil....so fingers crossed that I dont break out in hives anymore!! I am hoping soon I wont have to take those pesky shots anymore anyways!

HIVES

Oh My! I was laying on the couch last night when I started to itch my legs. I was doing it without any thought at first, when I then realized that something was wrong. I go into the bathroom only to see my entire legs broken out in what seemed to be hives!!! The hubs wasnt home so I called him first (which didnt really do any help - haha) so I called my mother next. She went on the internet and found out that hive can be related to pregnancy. She told me to put a cold/wet compress on the area, so I did and after a little while it started to calm down a bit.

In the meantime I called the nurse on call at my infertility office. She told me that it could be from the progesterone, take a bene.dryll and call my nurse in the morning. I was reading online that Bene.dryll isnt really good for you during your first trimester - so I decided against it, even though the nurse told me to. I had Jay run out to get bene.dryll cream instead, but I never used that either. After a few hours it was gone completely. Its still not back again today - luckily - so I wonder what the hell that was all about?!?!

My dad was cute. He told me that it was a good sign, that my body was adapting to the pregnancy and my hormones are rapidly changing (which could be the cause). Whether he is right or not he still made me smile :)

I am still a little shocked that the nurse told me I could take Bene.dryll...I would have never thought that was okay. And I kinda still don't - at least not in the first tri.

No Catchy Title

This weekend was very nice. Did some spring cleaning, read a book in the sun, took the dog for a walk, hung out with some friends and caught up on my much needed sleep!!!

I go for my first ultrasound this Saturday. I should be 6 weeks then...maybe I will be able to hear the baby's heartbeat?!?!? I know that you may not though and not to get worried if you don't. But it would be a nice treat. I will also find out my actual EDD - although I am pretty sure that January 26-27 will be it. (is it ironic that Jan 27th is my sister's birthday?? LOL I thought so)

As for some symptoms....during the 2ww I pee'd a lot, had a fast heartbeat and my boobs were KILLING ME, I mean - like no other before! Now (5 wks) my boobs still hurt a lot, I am still peeing like crazy, mild mood swings, mild cramping and some headaches.

I have also been trying to eat as healthy as possible....fruits, veggies, cheese and yogurt galore!!!

I hope everyone had a lovely, relaxing weekend. Hopefully this week will fly by!!

Double your pleasure, double your fun!

Well I got my blood work results back. A whopping 261! I am super excited that its going good so far. But I can say that I am still VERY cautious. I am watching everything I put in my mouth, remember to take my prenatal every day and try and get as much rest as possible. And NO STRESS! I just bought the book "what to expect when your expecting" and cant wait to start reading it....anyways....

We go next Saturday for our first ultrasound!! I hope I will find out my EDD...as of now I am just estimating the date myself.

Hope you all are having a nice, long weekend!!

On the plus side

Out of the 8 embie-babies that we had left - 7 were frozen!!! Yeah!!!
So at least if this doesnt work out we have something to fall back on - and I dont have to go through another IVF for a while. (just those nasty progesterone shots)

Feeling Crappy

Ugh. This is why I don't test. I took an OPK today (I think that does the same thing as a HPT right?) And there was only 1 line. I know its early, but I can't help but think that IVF #1 is a loss. Today is 8dpt. I feel like if I was prego I would have seen something!

It doesn't help that my SIL was a bitch to me today either. Her husband, Bobby (my husbands brother) invited us to their house for pizza (it's my nephews birthday today) When I text her to tell my nephew Happy Birthday and what time to be at the house...she responds with "I'm actually not doing anything - just our parents over"

When I responded with "Oh I'm sorry, Jay (hubs) told me that Bobby invited us"

She then proceeded to say "After 6 years - have you not learned anything?"

EXCUSE ME MISS BOSS!! I forgot who wears the pants in that family. Her husband invites us over and she takes it out on me! Jeez.

So anyways - this didn't help my BFN today. I know that it can be too early, but something just tells me that we have failed again. I am not usually a pessimist - so I dont really know where this is coming from. I guess the other 14 failed attempts!

Interesting - I just googled OPK and HPT....read this study...
http://www.peeonastick.com/opkhpt.html

Frequent pit stops a side effect??

Ok, so I have been on Progesterone shots since May 5 and I know that it gives you a lot of side effects i.e. sore boobs, tired, crampy, nausea, pms symptoms....I have read all of that. But my question to you ladies is....does it make you pee a lot? For the past week or so I have been peeing like crazy. I even have to get up in the middle of the night to pee...and I have NEVER done that before.

I have a friend who has a health degree and she told me that pregnancy can make you pee a lot in the first trimester due to the hormones in your body and the third trimester due to the pressure the baby puts on your bladder.

So of course this is driving me crazy!! Am I pregnant or is it just the progesterone shots playing a dirty trick on me!!! I was just curious if any of you girls have had this symptom while on progesterone.

Sweating Oil

TMI - For the past 2 days or so I have had to shower 2 times a day...I am literally sweating oil from those darn progesterone shots. My face, neck, tummy, back.... It is so disgusting!!!

Just thought I would share that lovely bit of information! :)

Still No Word

If you all remember I sent my sister a long letter telling her all my inner most thoughts and feelings about my infertile life. Yeah, well It has been over a month and I have yet to hear from her. Not a comment, not a letter, not a phone call, NOTHING. I seriously cant believe that this is what our relationship has come down to. She doesn't even know that I was doing any kind of treatment, let alone that I have done IVF!!

She is the only sister that I have and if I get prego, I honestly don't think I can make her the Godmother of my child. Not that I don't want her to be a part of my children's lives, but she has been so distant, so unsupportive, so un-sisterly-like, that I don't think I could bring myself to ask her. Am I a bitch for feeling this way?

It doesn't help that I am not the Godmother of either of her children. I was 19 when she had her first child and 21 when she had her second...I know that I was a bit on the younger side but I really don't see how that matters when you are sisters, blood, family... So about 3 years ago (before all my infertility came out in the open) I asked her why she chose Beth and Sheree to be the Godparents of her children. She got a little defensive (almost like she knew it should have been me) and said that neither of those women will be able to have children (one by choice, the other I don't know why-possibly infertility). I just find it ironic that she knew about my pcos since I was 18 and now I am 27 and dealing with my own infertility issues. Its hard not to be bitter!

I remember when I asked her to be my maid of honor for my wedding...her reaction was minimal, I don't even think she got all that excited for me. For my entire life I have felt like I have had to walk on eggshells around her, cater to her needs and curb my thoughts, opinions and actions so that she approves. I dont really know why I have been doing this, maybe because she is 9 years older than me; I have always looked up to her. But were older now so the age difference shouldn't really matter anymore. We should be equals, but hell will freeze over before she thinks and acts like that!

Oh yeah did I mention that she was over an hour late for my pictures on my wedding day?? What the hell was that all about? She tried to tell me that I didn't tell her what time to be there..umm well then wouldn't you ask? I was planning a wedding for goodness sakes!! She also gave all my girls a hard time with ALL of the planning and even gave me a hard time because I had a Saturday night wedding and she did a Saturday Day wedding to save money.

I feel like I constantly have to explain myself and my actions to her. Justify everything. Why can I just be me? Why cant she love me for who I am? Why can't she support me without having her push her own opinions about MY LIFE on me? I just dont get her. At all.

I dont want to lose my sister, but I dont know if I will be able to recover from this if she doesn't reach out to me soon. I would never let a day go by without calling her to talk to her if I knew that she was having a tough time with something in her life. NEVER. That is what sisters are for. To be there for each other through thick and thin. Good and Bad. Wether to agree with what they are doing or not. I love her with all my heart, but she puts me in a tough spot right now. I feel like she is making me go down a road that I don't want to go down, and I may never come back the same. It scares me.

Nasty Progesterone!

So I had my 5th shot of progesterone last night...it had to be the worst one yet. My entire hip is EXTREMELY sore and sometimes I even get a sharp pain in my hip when I move my neck a certain way!! WTH!!! Jay must have hit a bad spot! On top of that I am tired, pretty crampy and my boobs hurt...I know this is all from those nasty shots...why does it have to make you feel like your prego OR getting your period??? Just another way to mess with our heads!

This 2ww would be a little easier if my body wasn't constantly reminding me of what the hell I have been doing for the past month!!!

Hope everyone is having a Happy Hump Day!!

Give me a "P"

I am officially PUPO!! :)

I transferred one beautiful, perfect embie back. If you look at the black circle they drew that is where the blastocyst is starting to hatch! The RE told me that the other 8 are still doing well, so lets hope they last another day so they can be frozen.

After drinking about 5 glasses of water they brought me into the same room I had my retrieval. On a screen they first they showed me the petri dish with mine and my hubs name on it. I watched as they sucked my baby into a tube. Then they put the ultrasound on my belly and changed the screen to my uterus. As I watched intently the little bambino shot out of the tube and into my uterus. It was perfect. I totally shed a tiny tear. It was a totally amazing experience, I always did like science!

They wheeled me back into my room to wait for about 25 minutes. As I waited and waited, my bladder grew and grew. The last 10 minutes were so painful!!! Finally they told me I could get up, pee and go home.

I drove home talking to my little bambino, telling it to be a sticky one! Now I am just taking it easy, trying not to stress. Oh I pray to God that this works!!!

Ring Ring!

This morning is dragging! I am suppose to get a call between 9-11am to find out if I get my embie-baby back today (day 5) or tomorrow (day 6).

I was (still am) in a little predicament though...My work requires one designer there at all times, there are only 3 of us and one of them isn't even full time. So really either me or my boss has to be there. I went into work yesterday to find out that the part-timer is on jury duty and my boss called out sick. No Biggie. But then I thought about it. If I go into work today and I am the only one there again today, there would be no way I could just leave a 1/2 a day. I guess I could have lied and said that there was an emergency...but I am not really a good liar! Then they would be asking me all kinds of ?'s and I wouldn't have a story to tell!!!

If I knew that the transfer was definitely going to be today then I would have called out no problem. Watch, my luck they will call to tell me to come into tomorrow, then I am going to have to use 3 sick days in 2 weeks!

Fingers crossed that I go in today!!!

Day 5 or 6!!!

The RE called me today and they said that my little embie-babies are doing fantastic!! They are waiting for a day 5 or maybe even 6 transfer...so exciting!!

Still hurts!!

Its been almost 24 hours since my first shot and my ass still hurts like a mo fo!!

I limp when I walk and can hardly sit on the one side. I can only imagine how I will feel tonight when I have to inject my other cheek. :( I think I am going to ask my nurse if I can have some suppositories for the days when I am too sore for shots. I just cant see doing these darn shots for 10 weeks straight (if I get prego) that's a whole lotta shots in my butt...and if I am in this much pain already...geez!!!

Maybe they will let me take 2 shots then a suppository...2 shots then a suppository.

This has to be the worst part of IVF!!! (although I was very fortunate not to experience OHSS)

MY ASS HURTS!

Well the first day of progesterone is over and done with. Lets hope there are a lot more shots to come! LOL It really didn't hurt as bad as I thought it was going to, the actual needle that is. But its been about a half an hour and my butt cheek is still sore!! I rubbed it afterwards and walked around the house for a good 10 minutes, but it still hurts. :(

I don't think I drank enough fluids this morning/afternoon because by dinnertime I was SO BLOATED I couldn't even button up my jeans. So I have been drinking and peeing like crazy since dinner and I am feeling much better. It is so weird that water/Gatorade reverses the affect of bloating! I am still using the heating pad, even if its not doing anything it makes me feel better.

I had cramping yesterday and bloating today. But that is the extent of it. Lets just hope it stays that way!

Fertilization Report

Well...out of the 19 eggs they retrieved...13 were mature and 9 were fertilized!!!

9 were fertilized!!!! I am so friggin happy I can't contain myself. I honestly had fears and nightmares that my eggies were going to be no good.

I am going to get a call on Sunday (the dreaded Sunday) to find out if I do the ET that day or or if they get to day 5 the transfer will be on Tuesday. I guess it will make Mother's Day a little more bearable. I really hope this works out for us!!

Thanks for all your love and support!!!

Lucky number 19!

19 Eggs were retrieved!! WhooHoo!

I must admit the entire procedure was not as bad as I thought it was going to be. I was crampy afterwards but I came home and put a heating pad on my belly to make me feel better. My legs were achy too...but after a few hours I started to feel better.

So now I am just relaxing in front of the TV and filling up on liquids!

Lets just hope it stays this way!!! Thank you all for your kind words and much needed support! I will update you girls on my fertilization report!

Ok, I am going back to bed now! :)

my tummy is in knots

I went in again today. Totally lost track of counting the follies...all I know is I have a lot and it scares the hell out of me! Dr. A said that I was ready to go. I take 2 shots of the Ovidrel tonight, b/w and u/s tomorrow and I have my transfer on Thursday morning...I cant believe this is happening. I am so excited yet so friggin nervous. The only other time that I had surgery was to get my wisdom teeth taken out!

Doctor #3

I went into the RE's office again this morning...story of my life right now...and there was another doctor. Dr. S was VERY nice...I think if I could do it all over again (or if I have to) I would choose him to be my RE. I loved him from the minute that I met him. And he explained everything...something that I LOVE in a doctor, dentist, etc... I feel that the less I know the more I fear it. I do not like surprises nor being left in the dark about something. My dentist is funny because he knows this about me and explains everything he is doing, shows diagrams, and tries to be so helpful!

So when the RE #3 was this way...I was in heaven! At first I was a little taken back because RE #1 and #2 are not really like this. But now I just hope I see RE #3 a lot more! So anyways..he told me that it looks like I am ready to go...I will be taking one more dose of the Follistim tonight with the Genaralex and surprise, surprise come into the office tomorrow. My scheduled ER is going to be this Thursday!! Oh my gosh I cant believe its right around the corner.

I am glad that it is on Thursday because I will probably just take a nice long weekend. Then the ET will either be on Saturday or Monday. I know that a lot of women go on bed rest after the ET but I know 2 girls at my work who went to the same RE and was back at work the next day...(they are both prego by IVF#1 btw) So I don't know what I am going to do. Obviously if I am not feeling well I will stay in bed..hands down. But I don't want to use all my sick days for this one IVF in case I have to do another ET or *cringe* another IVF. I have to prepare myself.

I couldnt count how many follies I had..I think I had close to 20 follies ranging from 11-18mm...

Holy Meds!!

Here it is...the lovely picture of the wonderful meds! Oh how I love to be infertile!

Just another day

at the RE. Scratch my previous post about every other day. My RE wants to see me EVERYDAY. He says that because of the ease of my over-stimulation, he needs to keep a close watch on me. Which is all fine and good by me. As much as it sucks getting up at the crack of dawn everyday I would rather be safe than sorry. I also found out that for the last 6 months I have been paying my husbands copay of $30 for my doctor visits. I was suppose to be charged $15...so now we have a credit of $300! Crazy huh!

No protesters today so that was a relief. If they were there, I was seriously thinking of asking them why they were in front of a fertility clinic and not an abortion clinic. I am the type of person to speak up when I feel the need to. I wasn't always like this, thank my husband for erasing the shy in me :)

So Doctor A is really beginning to grow on me. And funny thing is, ever since he saw me tearing the other day he has been overly but genuinely nice to me. I am glad that we are working up such a lovely relationship! Especially since I have been and will be seeing him every gosh darn day!

So do you want to know my scan results from today??? I blew the f up!! In total I have about 15 follies that were around 14mm and about 16 or so that were less than 10mm. I lost track of what ovary has how many...when I am laying there I just try to remember all the numbers that he rattles off to the nurse. I know this is a good thing, but I am only on day four of the meds! This is why the IUI's don't work for me!

Pro Life

So I had to go to the RE's office today for yet another b/w and u/s. It is a different place than the one that I normally go to during the week. When we pulled in the parking lot there were bunch of people standing outside of the building holding "PRO LIFE" signs. I don't know why but this irritated the crap out of me. I am personally pro life (with some exceptions...like rape) but I am not the protesting type. Nor am I one to put someone else down for their own beliefs.

I guess I understand why they do what they do, but its not like an infertility clinic is an abortion clinic. Go somewhere else and protest! I am sorry but I am TRYING to GIVE life not kill it. I am sure it has something to do with the fertilized embies that get used for science or destroyed - but not everyone that goes through infertility does that. And I totally took offense to the protesters.

I also don't think using your embies, eggs or sperm for science is a bad thing either. If it wasn't for science you and I may never have that chance of becoming pregnant! I am sorry I just had to get that off my chest....it really bothered me. Has anyone else ever seen protesters at their clinic?

Anyways.....I had 5 -12mm follies with 10 less than 10mm on my right and 2 -12mm follies with 8 less than 10mm on my left. So it seems like no more has appeared but there are a good 7 that are getting bigger!!! Yeah!! I am on the right track!!

LOADED UP!

I just went foodshopping for my protein and potassium diet.
Gatorade, protein drinks, protein meal bars, bannanas, raisins, wheat germ, water, bacon, peanut butter, celery, corned beef....this is what my diet consists of for the next 2 weeks or so.

Call me crazy but I will do ANYTHING to help prevent it...

Thank goodness it is FRIDAY!!! I cant wait to sleep in!!! Everyone have a wonderful weekend!

every other day

so I had my b/w and u/s today...every other day....
25 follies....10 on the left, 15 on the right. All less than 10mm.
But its only day 2 of the meds. I just hope that no more show up and those just grow, grow, grow!!!

you dont have an appointment

WHAT?!? Was my first response. How could this happen?
I know that I made an appointment. April 30 at 3pm. I have it written on my calendar and my day planner. But when I got there the receptionist seemed to think otherwise. All she kept saying was that I had a phone conversation with the RE on the 10th. SO WHAT LADY!

All I wanted was to talk to him face to face, get a feel for him, ask him some questions. Plus it doesn't help that he has a VERY heavy accent and it is hard enough to understand him in person let alone over the phone!

Then the receptionist goes on to say...well you already started your IVF cycle, most people do that before their IVF cycle start. DUH LADY...I called in the beginning of March but because he is a new RE he was all booked up! The earliest they had was April 30th. So I took what I could get with a promise to call me if something opens up. Yeah well I didnt even get my booked appointment, let alone a phone call! Rahhhh!

Then she tells me to wait. So I sit and wait and think and start to tear. Yes I know...I am a big emotional baby! At this point I keep thinking...whats the point now? I feel rushed and the receptionist made me feel stupid for even having a consult in the middle of an IVF cycle. Then the RE comes out and tells me that if I can wait a little bit he will try and squeeze me in between his 3 and 330 appointment. Of course I am all teary eyed and he asks if I am okay. Yeah doc, I am okay, just an emotional mess that's all!

So he fits me in, answers all my questions, reassures me and I feel better. How quick was that...5 minutes. See...thats all that I wanted. Now I feel better.

At least for now :)