My Little One

Some good news...and some not so good news.

Well I got the call. The call that I have been waiting for. It was my blood test results for the down syndrome/tristomy. The lady that called didn't seem to enthusiastic which worried me right from the start. But she did tell me some good news. We are at a very low risk of both DS and Tristomy. Whew!

But then she went on to say that I have a low papp-a. This is the protein in the baby's placenta. My number was 1. I think the normal range is 2-3. When I googled it (yeah I know, I shouldn't) most ladies with a low papp-a were at a .5 and below. So I am thankful that it could be worse. I asked her if there was anything I can do or did and she said no. I asked her if I needed to eat more protein, hahaha, it obviously doesn't work like that. She said that there was nothing I could do. The only thing that I need to do is get an ultrasound every month to ensure that the baby is growing properly. The last ultrasound (which was less than a week ago) the baby was right on schedule. I just pray to God that this baby keeps growing. I kinda stinks feeling so helpless! I wish I could do something about this!!!

But like I said it could be worse - and I am so thankful for all the good news that I did receive.

So far so good

I had my screening test today. The lady was super nice and told us that everything looked really good. I just have to wait for the blood tests to come back which will be in a week or so.

I also cheated...I looked at u/s pictures of boys and girls before we went. This way I knew what to look for And I think I just may be having a girl...I saw the hamburger! :) hahaha Jay still wants it to be a boy, but something has told me all along that it is a girl - and now I am even more certain! But I am still going to wait till 20 weeks to be sure - no buying baby clothes just yet!

No Thank You!

Imagine if this bill went through - WE, taxpayers, would be paying for people to kill their babies! No Thank You!

At least the democratic lawmakers opposed this....
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090722/ap_on_go_co/us_health_care_overhaul_abortion

Tomorrow

I am a little nervous. I go to the doctors tomorrow for my screening test. I did the bloodwork last week, and go for the u/s tomorrow. I wonder how long it will take to get the results. Then Thursday will put baby at the 13 week mark. I cant wait to finally get out of the first trimester - its so nerve-wracking!! Hopefully after this week I can relax a little more.

Major Wardrobe Malfunction!

Oh boy! I know that I am starting to show but I didn't think I was going to have to go shopping already?!?! I tried to put on 8 different pairs of pants today and not a one could I pull up over my thighs/butt! I couldn't believe it. I don't really need shirts yet - I am kinda pulling them off with the Bella band or a cammy underneath for length, but the pants totally don't fit anymore.

I have a few pants, but its shorts, skirts, and Capri's that I am having an issue with. I think that I gained some weight from last summer to now (all the times that I swore I was preggo when I wasn't) I bet I was eating a bit too much! LOL

So now I am paying the price by not fitting into any of my summer work clothes! I think I am going to go out and buy some cute summer dresses. This way I can wear them now to hold me off until September and I will still be able to wear them when I am not preggo anymore. Its just a matter of finding those cute summer dresses! I think I am going to try and do some shopping this weekend! DH wont be happy about that! :)

Finally!

I went to the OB again today. I finally got to see my baby, this past month just dragged on way to long! Baby looked so precious and was moving all around, jumping and showing me the legs, feet and hands! Its was really amazing to see my baby actual look like a baby! :)

I thought I was going for my NT test and blood work but I didn't realize that they don't do any of that there. I have to go to another doctor that specializes in Maternal Fetal Medicine - so I had to make a quick appointment to get it done within the next week. Luckily the doctor I called had an appointment open next Wed. So that was good.

The bad part was that my OB told me since we went through IVF with ICSI that she would recommend an amino. I have still yet to talk to Jay about that. I don't think we are going to do it unless our numbers from the screening test don't come back so good. Lets hope for 1 in a million! LOL The whole amino scares me...imagine if you find out that your baby was fine, but you ended up miscarrying because of the test. I don't know if I would ever forgive myself.

I got a picture, but its not that good so I am going to wait until next week in hopes that we get a better picture.

Oh yeah and I know I am starting to get a belly already but my sister in law didn't need to tell me that I am "probably just eating too much!" Please! Everyone pops at their own rate - I just happen to pop a little sooner than most. I thought that comment was a little rude.

Anyways I hope you all have a wonderful week.

I told my sister

I was so nervous to tell my sister that we are expecting. I was in fear that she would be a brat about it, or not all that excited for us. Well, she did surprise me, with a little bit of what I was expecting. First off I haven't seen her since I found out so about 15 minutes after talking with her, she looked at me and asked "whats different about you?" I guess she just figured that I was - knowing from my mother that I went through IVF.

I told her and the next words out of her mouth were... "I told you so! I told you that it was going to happen." I just knew that she would push it in my face somehow. I ignored it the first time but when she said it again I decided to tell her "well I don't think you know what I had to go to through to get here." She said "well yeah, but your pregnant - and with science I knew it was bound to happen." I kinda felt like slapping her, but I refrained myself. If she only knew or maybe if she was the least bit supportive in the last 2 years of my life maybe she wouldn't have said these things. So I just brushed it off, hugged her, she cried and it was over.

The next day she called me. "How are you feeling?" "Do you have this book or that book?" "I have a bunch of maternity clothes that I can give you." "If you have any questions, just call!" Its like she did a 360 over night. But I guess I will take what I can get. Although it is still hard for me to forget the last 2 years.

I talked to my mother and she said that my sister immediately called her to tell her "I told you so, too" We came to the conclusion that she thinks I was overreacting about not being able to get pregnant, hence the lack of love and support I guess. If she thinks that shooting myself up with meds, 2 inch needles in my ass, doctors and blood tests galore, etc etc isn't a big deal...well then I would like to see her go through it! :)

Funny thing is too - she thinks that I conceived right after her giving me that note. You know - the one that stressed me out and pissed me off even more. The one where she told me that I was rushing having a baby and I should enjoy my Independence and marriage. Well she thinks that because of her, because of that fabulous note - I am now pregnant. She is something!

But all in all I am happy with the outcome. I was expecting worse, so this was a nice surprise. And when it all comes down to it, it is mine and Jay's life together - no one elses!

NIGHTMARE!

First off I want to thank you ladies for all your kind words when I was thinking bad thoughts. I will tell you that since then I have put that kind of thinking behind me. I figured that there is nothing I can do - so why stress myself out about it.

I knew that a dream/nightmare like this would eventually happen, but I didn't know that it would happen to this severity. It was the most realistic dream I have EVER had - and I remember my dreams every night (I always have). So here was the dream I had last night:
(might be a little graphic)

First flash was me in the bathroom, I was upset but I didn't know why yet. I looked down at the toilet seat and there was blood all over the seat, in the toilet and on the floor. I then looked at my hands and there was blood on them too. It took me a second but I realized that I was having a miscarriage - and it was bad. When I looked around me there were strangers staring at me. They looked at me like I was a freak. I told them that I was loosing my baby. They simply said that its no big deal and you will get pregnant again. I then screamed at them about how long it took me to get to this point and what I had to do to actually get pregnant!!!! They still looked at me like I was crazy. I ran in to the next room and found my mother and father. I flew into my mothers arms and started hysterically crying.

(real life now) I realized that I was now coming to - slowing waking up. I could hear myself whining and I could feel my eyes starting to swell. The next thing I knew I was sitting up in my bed hysterical crying - and didn't know why. I obviously woke up my husband. He asked what was wrong and all I could do was cry. He made me lay back down beside him while he rubbed my belly and told me everything was going to be okay.

Weird thing is that I never told him what my dream entailed. Its almost like he knew what had happened - what my dream was about. This happened last night and I have yet to talk to him. Maybe I said something in my sleep?? Even if he didn't know a thing, he was still the sweetest man in the world about it. He comforted me and made me feel so much better.

Still it was the weirdest thing to have such an emotional, vivid dream that it not only wakes you up in the middle of the night but causes you to hysterically cry too!

I am okay now though, no bad thoughts! :)