When to introduce rice cereal??

Hey Ladies!

Mackenzie went to the doctors today and had a great check-up! (besides the shots) She is officially 4 months old. She is 25.5 inches long and 17 pounds!! She is in the 95 percentile for both height and weight. She's my little Chub Chub!

She loves to stand...she has been for a while now too. The doctor said that she is holding herself up like a 6 month old. But she is yet to roll over. Just goes to show how every baby is different.

Anywho. I asked my doctor when I should start giving her some of the rice cereal. He told me to hold off until 6 months. Wow. I can't lie I gave her a few tastes of the cereal (very little bit and very thinned out with my breast milk) I know that I have read that if you have a history of food allergies to wait, but both Jay and I don't...and the doctor didn't even ask this. Everyone that I talk to says that their doctor said the same and they didn't really wait. Both my mother and MIL started us around 3-4 months. So my question to you is what's your opinion?

Jay and I discussed it and I think we are going to wait until around 5 months to start her on a regular feeding schedule. We also said that it would only be in addition to her milk, never a substitute, which I think is a given. I am also going to make my own baby food. I got this baby cook maker where it steams, cooks and puree's all in one. Can't wait to start using it!

Well I hope all of you have a wonderful LONG weekend. I took Tuesday off too...so I am excited!!

Survey Says!

I am at work and totally bored...

1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? Nope

2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? Yesterday. It was just a tear but it was bc I heard a story about someone being on life support with pretty much no hope :(

3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? not really

4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT? Turkey

5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS? one

6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? Probably.

7. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT? not really

8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? Yes

9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? I have been skydiving...so YES!

11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? I own mostly heels so...no

12. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG? sometimes.

13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM? the cheap vanilla&choc cups from shoprite!

14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE? the way they dress..give it some effort people!! haha

15. RED OR PINK? Pink

16. WHAT IS THE WEATHER LIKE OUTSIDE? 75 and breezy. Love it!

17. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE DRINK? H2O

18. WHAT COLOR SHOES ARE YOU WEARING? White, open toe wedges!

19. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE? Chicken Pita

20. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? z100 online

21. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? blue

22. FAVORITE SMELLS? ralph lauren perfume

23. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? My hubby

24. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH? dont really watch...but football if I had to choose

27. HAIR COLOR? right now its blonde highlights but I am going back to my brown with a few streaks of red!!

28. EYE COLOR? blue

29. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? no

30. FAVORITE FOOD? turkey sand, hot dogs and anything chicken!

31. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS? both

32. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? Passengers - its was pretty good.

33. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING? pink!

34. SUMMER OR WINTER? how about spring and fall??

35. HUGS OR KISSES? Both

36. CAR OR TRUCK? truck all the way baby! I love my SUV!!

39. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW? baby books...

40. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? The Young and the Restless! HA I got hooked from college and cant stop watching!!!

41. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON TV LAST NIGHT? American Idol.

42. FAVORITE SOUND? Mackenzie's happy squeal early in the morning right before I nurse her. She gets sooo happy!!

43. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES? neither

44. WHERE DO YOU WANT TO GO TO NEXT? If I had the time and the money - Australia

45. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT? a good mom! I am a graphic designer too

46. WHERE WERE YOU BORN? Red Bank, NJ

crampy

So lately I have been pretty crampy and achy...I also have been getting some pretty funky headaches too. I guess that AF must be making her grand entrance after 14 months of being away. I am not looking forward to that at all........

I am still breastfeeding exclusively so I am not positive that its my period, but then why am I so crampy?!?! I have been like this for about 4-5 days when I usually only cramp for 1 or 2 days before AF shows up. I hope this isn't a indication of my future AF's!!

talking to the RE

I first want to thank you ladies for your imput on my dilemma with my frozen embies. I appreciate all your kind words. I am pretty sure that I am just going to pay the money and keep the embies on ice for peace of mind.

BUT I have decided to also go back to my RE to touch base with him and get a professional opinion. I am formulating some questions to ask him. Let me know if I am missing any other questions.

• What are my chances of getting pregnant with an FET?
• What is the probility of my eggs being viable after they are thawed? I have 7 frozen.
• Since I dont want another baby for another 3-4 years, is it worth it to keep my eggs frozen for that long?
• Does the amount of time the eggs are frozen have anything to do with the viability once thawed?
• Will my husbands MFI ever improve?

Pumping @ work

I am having a shitty day.

I am still breastfeeding and since I have been back at work I was given a key for an office to pump in. Well I am being kicked out of that office and supposely there is no other office for me to go into. WTF!!!

First off this whole thing was handle in a very unprofessional manner. We are a fairly large company with an HR department. So who does the VP of the company send over to me? Not HR but an administrator assistant. She comes barreling over to me telling me that I need to give up my key in 2 days because someone is taking that office. I began to ask questions and she told me she knew nothing I just need to give up the key. The HR lady should have been informing me this and behind closed doors none the less.

So where do I go now? Who the hell knows?!?! I know that there was a girl who pumped a year ago and she went in this conference room that did not have a lock on the door. PLUS the conference room (when not in use) is used as a pathway from cubicles to the cafeteria!!! So I would be constantly worrying about someone barging through!

I think this is BS. I marched over to HR and explained the situation to her. She said that she is going to get back to me with an answer but I am not holding my breath. I hate my company. I really do. They lack couth, professionalism and care for their employees.

Does anyone know the NJ state laws for pumping at work?

dilemma

Ok girls I really need you to help me out with this one!

I got a bill in the mail for $750 dollars. This bill is for the freezing of my embie babies. For those of you that don't know - I went through IVF and I have about 7 embies frozen on ice. Insurance doesn't cover the cost to keep the embies on ice so I have to pay $750 every year. Otherwise I would have to donate, destroy or give to science. This is a really tough decision for my husband and I. We don't know what to do and have been struggling since we got the bill.

When we first got pregnant we knew that we were going to freeze our embies in case the pregnancy didn't sustain. So we easily paid the $1,000 dollars. But this time is different. We do want to have another child but we want to wait about 3-4 years until we do so. So if we pay the money this year that means we have to pay it for the 3+ years until we decide to have another baby. We also wanted to try naturally for a year first - then do the treatments if necessary.

The other issue is insurance. I was VERY lucky to have a job that has great insurance to cover most of my infertility treatments. But who knows about the future - that could change. I would just kick myself if 3 years down the road I didn't have insurance to cover and I gave up my chance for a few FET's.

Another thought is that FET's aren't as probable that they will end up in pregnancy so maybe it would be better just to go through IVF again. But even though I have been through it before the thought of going through IVF again scares me a little.

I know that $750 dollars over a year isn't that much money but Jay and I just feel like we have been throwing money out the window lately. And you cant get a payment plan - you have to pay it all up front! I don't think this bill could have come at a worse time. Since I was on my maternity leave we have had to dip into our savings and now that I am back at work we are just starting to regain control of our money, kinda.

Uggggh!! I don't know what to do. I really want to save my embies because I would kick myself if we had to go through IVF again or pay for it out of pocket. (and I dont see our infertility issues being resolved) But I also don't want to dig ourselves deeper in a hole of debt. And if we pay the money this year then we have to pay it for the years coming otherwise this first payment would be a waste! And what if - by a big chance - we did get pregnant naturally? Then we wouldn't have needed to pay the money each year at all!

This is such a hard decision. I know you girls cant make it for me but some advice, thoughts, wisdom would be greatly appreciated!!!

Shoe Whore

Thank goodness its FRIDAY!!!
And I am getting out of work early today! Whooohooo!

I am excited because I am going shoe shopping this weekend. I have to admit I am a SHOE WHORE! I have a heel, wedge and flat in EVERY COLOR. Open toes, silver spiked heels, gold buckles, leopard print, snake print, croc print...oh the list goes on. I counted once and I had 78 pairs of shoes (including flip flops - which I have at least one in every color)

BUT...
after my pregnancy my feet got bigger! Ughhh! What a bummer to throw out so many good shoes! Good News - I get to shop for better, newer and prettier shoes!!

And the shoe shopping begins..............

Everyone have a wonderful weekend!!

seeing someone

So I have been contemplating seeing a therapist. I really want to just see how it is, get a lot off my chest and talk without being judged. I have always wanted to see someone with a bias opinion but never brought myself to do so. Does anyone else talk to someone? Does it feel good afterwards? I also dont know where to begin to find someone. I guess the yellowpages?? haha

I can't believe it

I weighed Mackenzie last night and she is a whopping 15 pounds. She is 3 months old and had DOUBLED her weight. I read that a baby will double their weight at 6 months and triple at a year!!! At this rate she is going to be HUGE at a year old :)

I do like her progession I must admit. She is a little bit of a heartier baby. Her neck is very strong and she has been able to stand on her feet for a while now (with my support of course). It makes me feel better about leaving her at school.

She can't stand just staring at the ceiling anymore. She wants to sit up and look around. I had to pack away all the infant bouncers/seats and bring out the jumper and highchair! Even when you hold her she wants to be upright and looking outward. No cradle hold for Mack. She is funny - total personality showing through.

baby rash

Well yesterday I was undressing Mackenzie and noticed a rash all over her back. As a new mom should, I was frightened and called the dr. He told me that since it wasnt on her hands and feet its not an emergency but I should still come in the office in the AM. Good news - it was just a heat rash and should subside within a few days.

Bad news. I called my boss last night to explain the situation. I told him that I am going to the drs in the am and I would be in late. He seemed fine with that and understood the new mommy thing. Or so I thought. I got into the office and checked my email only to find a nasty email from him telling me that I need to tell him promptly if I am going to be sick or late. Umm I thought that last night was promptly enough?? But since I didnt follow up with him this morning he didnt know where I was...are you fucking kidding me? I was at the doctors fool!

So I went into my bosses office and asked him straight up what the deal was. (I kinda dont care anymore...fire me! Ill sit on unemployement for a year and take care of my baby! haha) He told me that his boss asked where I was this morning and he didnt answer her with what she wanted to hear...therefore he got reemed out...therefore I got reemed out. Shit rolls down hill. FAST.

So here I am sitting at my desk, day 3 back on the job, and I am totally pissed off. Missing Mackenzie. Rahhhhh!!!!!!

Thank you

Thank you ladies for your kind words. It always helps a lot to know that I am not alone.

<3 you girls!!

this sucks

I am back at work now. Good news is that I will be a better blogger, bad news is that it feels like my heart is ripped out of my chest. I honestly feel like I am on the verge of depression. I know that its is only the second day and that I need to give it time. But I dont want to. I dont want to get used to being away from my baby for 10 hours of the day. I dont want to get used to coming to work 4 days a week and leaving my baby with complete strangers.

I am sure it would help if I was leaving her with family but I have to drop her off with someone I dont know and probably doesnt really care about my child. I dont know how to deal with this feeling inside. I just want to scream. I know how lucky and thankful that I am to have Mack in my life and I feel like everything that I went through to get here makes this transition even worse.

Jay and I have exhausted every possibility of me staying home and we come up short every time. What happened to being able to live on 1 income? What happened to stay at home mothers? I feel like my husband has to be making 6 figures in order for me to stay home and for us to live comfortably. Why does life have to be so unfair? In so many ways?

I feel like a part of me is missing right now. I dont feel right. I dont feel like myself.

A mother should not have to be separated from her child this early on.

Sorry this is such a pity party...its just a new feeling. A feeling I HATE.