Ultrasound #1

Saturday was the big day. I must admit I was nervous!!!
We have one lil bean (but I figured that since I only put 1 embie back) and he/she is so precious, I fell in love at first sight! :) RE says that everything looks great. I am 5 weeks along - and I go back next Saturday for a heartbeat. Beta #3 was a whopping 4,377!! Bambino is kinda hard to see but he/she is that little white spec in the black gestational sac. So Tiny!!! My EDD is January 28, 2010

What do I do???

I have a friend, lets call her Lea. Lea has a sister named Mel. Mel is married but separated and is cheating on her husband with another man (who is married himself) Now Lea does NOT approve of this and has expressed her concern. BUT is still there for her sister and still supports and loves her sister. To me that is what "being sisters" is all about. I just find it ironic that my sister cant even support me and my husband trying to have a baby and Lea can support and love her sister Mel cheating. Frankly it pisses me off...

Okay so some back history - my sister and I are not on good terms. For the past year or so she really hasn't been the best sister. Ignorant about my infertility, unsupportive in my decisions to try and get pregnant, and voiced her opinions of "concern". A few times I tried to reach out to her for her love and support and pretty much got denied. She never really showed me that she cared about anything that I was going through - emotionally or physically.

As most of you know I decided to go through IVF about 2 months ago. Since my sister didn't even know about any of my infertility visits, clomid, IUI's, injectables - why should I tell her that I was going through something as evasive as IVF? Well my mom ended up telling her. Fine. So she knows. She has since called and talked to me twice and not once brought that or the subject of me trying to have a baby! But instead shoved the fact that her 2 kids have been annoying her lately; Not something I really cared to hear at that point.

So my issue is....I have to tell her at some point that I am pregnant. So how am I going to do that? When is the right time to do so? I think I want to wait until the second tri. She has 2 kids - both at an age where they would understand what it would mean to be pregnant. What I was thinking was...Maybe I ask the kids (with my sister in earshot of course) if they wanted a baby cousin. And say..."because your Aunt Ashley and Uncle Jason are having a baby!" This way I tell the kids and my sister all at once and I don't have to confront her and tell her myself. Something that I would rather not do since she has been SO UNSUPPORTIVE during the past year and half of my life.

Looking back on my childhood dreams I never would have thought that this would be the outcome of the 2 biggest events in my life. (marriage and baby) Who would have thought that my own sister would be the last to know that I am pregnant, or show up really late to my wedding. But I guess that goes without saying that Things Never Happen The Way They Are Planned!

So help me girls!!! What do I do????

Changing Meds

It happened again. I got hives again last night around the same time. I would say a little bit worse and even on my arm a little bit, not just the legs. I called the nurse and ordered the new progesterone. This one is in olive oil instead of sesame oil....so fingers crossed that I dont break out in hives anymore!! I am hoping soon I wont have to take those pesky shots anymore anyways!

HIVES

Oh My! I was laying on the couch last night when I started to itch my legs. I was doing it without any thought at first, when I then realized that something was wrong. I go into the bathroom only to see my entire legs broken out in what seemed to be hives!!! The hubs wasnt home so I called him first (which didnt really do any help - haha) so I called my mother next. She went on the internet and found out that hive can be related to pregnancy. She told me to put a cold/wet compress on the area, so I did and after a little while it started to calm down a bit.

In the meantime I called the nurse on call at my infertility office. She told me that it could be from the progesterone, take a bene.dryll and call my nurse in the morning. I was reading online that Bene.dryll isnt really good for you during your first trimester - so I decided against it, even though the nurse told me to. I had Jay run out to get bene.dryll cream instead, but I never used that either. After a few hours it was gone completely. Its still not back again today - luckily - so I wonder what the hell that was all about?!?!

My dad was cute. He told me that it was a good sign, that my body was adapting to the pregnancy and my hormones are rapidly changing (which could be the cause). Whether he is right or not he still made me smile :)

I am still a little shocked that the nurse told me I could take Bene.dryll...I would have never thought that was okay. And I kinda still don't - at least not in the first tri.

No Catchy Title

This weekend was very nice. Did some spring cleaning, read a book in the sun, took the dog for a walk, hung out with some friends and caught up on my much needed sleep!!!

I go for my first ultrasound this Saturday. I should be 6 weeks then...maybe I will be able to hear the baby's heartbeat?!?!? I know that you may not though and not to get worried if you don't. But it would be a nice treat. I will also find out my actual EDD - although I am pretty sure that January 26-27 will be it. (is it ironic that Jan 27th is my sister's birthday?? LOL I thought so)

As for some symptoms....during the 2ww I pee'd a lot, had a fast heartbeat and my boobs were KILLING ME, I mean - like no other before! Now (5 wks) my boobs still hurt a lot, I am still peeing like crazy, mild mood swings, mild cramping and some headaches.

I have also been trying to eat as healthy as possible....fruits, veggies, cheese and yogurt galore!!!

I hope everyone had a lovely, relaxing weekend. Hopefully this week will fly by!!

Double your pleasure, double your fun!

Well I got my blood work results back. A whopping 261! I am super excited that its going good so far. But I can say that I am still VERY cautious. I am watching everything I put in my mouth, remember to take my prenatal every day and try and get as much rest as possible. And NO STRESS! I just bought the book "what to expect when your expecting" and cant wait to start reading it....anyways....

We go next Saturday for our first ultrasound!! I hope I will find out my EDD...as of now I am just estimating the date myself.

Hope you all are having a nice, long weekend!!

On the plus side

Out of the 8 embie-babies that we had left - 7 were frozen!!! Yeah!!!
So at least if this doesnt work out we have something to fall back on - and I dont have to go through another IVF for a while. (just those nasty progesterone shots)

Feeling Crappy

Ugh. This is why I don't test. I took an OPK today (I think that does the same thing as a HPT right?) And there was only 1 line. I know its early, but I can't help but think that IVF #1 is a loss. Today is 8dpt. I feel like if I was prego I would have seen something!

It doesn't help that my SIL was a bitch to me today either. Her husband, Bobby (my husbands brother) invited us to their house for pizza (it's my nephews birthday today) When I text her to tell my nephew Happy Birthday and what time to be at the house...she responds with "I'm actually not doing anything - just our parents over"

When I responded with "Oh I'm sorry, Jay (hubs) told me that Bobby invited us"

She then proceeded to say "After 6 years - have you not learned anything?"

EXCUSE ME MISS BOSS!! I forgot who wears the pants in that family. Her husband invites us over and she takes it out on me! Jeez.

So anyways - this didn't help my BFN today. I know that it can be too early, but something just tells me that we have failed again. I am not usually a pessimist - so I dont really know where this is coming from. I guess the other 14 failed attempts!

Interesting - I just googled OPK and HPT....read this study...
http://www.peeonastick.com/opkhpt.html

Frequent pit stops a side effect??

Ok, so I have been on Progesterone shots since May 5 and I know that it gives you a lot of side effects i.e. sore boobs, tired, crampy, nausea, pms symptoms....I have read all of that. But my question to you ladies is....does it make you pee a lot? For the past week or so I have been peeing like crazy. I even have to get up in the middle of the night to pee...and I have NEVER done that before.

I have a friend who has a health degree and she told me that pregnancy can make you pee a lot in the first trimester due to the hormones in your body and the third trimester due to the pressure the baby puts on your bladder.

So of course this is driving me crazy!! Am I pregnant or is it just the progesterone shots playing a dirty trick on me!!! I was just curious if any of you girls have had this symptom while on progesterone.

Sweating Oil

TMI - For the past 2 days or so I have had to shower 2 times a day...I am literally sweating oil from those darn progesterone shots. My face, neck, tummy, back.... It is so disgusting!!!

Just thought I would share that lovely bit of information! :)

Still No Word

If you all remember I sent my sister a long letter telling her all my inner most thoughts and feelings about my infertile life. Yeah, well It has been over a month and I have yet to hear from her. Not a comment, not a letter, not a phone call, NOTHING. I seriously cant believe that this is what our relationship has come down to. She doesn't even know that I was doing any kind of treatment, let alone that I have done IVF!!

She is the only sister that I have and if I get prego, I honestly don't think I can make her the Godmother of my child. Not that I don't want her to be a part of my children's lives, but she has been so distant, so unsupportive, so un-sisterly-like, that I don't think I could bring myself to ask her. Am I a bitch for feeling this way?

It doesn't help that I am not the Godmother of either of her children. I was 19 when she had her first child and 21 when she had her second...I know that I was a bit on the younger side but I really don't see how that matters when you are sisters, blood, family... So about 3 years ago (before all my infertility came out in the open) I asked her why she chose Beth and Sheree to be the Godparents of her children. She got a little defensive (almost like she knew it should have been me) and said that neither of those women will be able to have children (one by choice, the other I don't know why-possibly infertility). I just find it ironic that she knew about my pcos since I was 18 and now I am 27 and dealing with my own infertility issues. Its hard not to be bitter!

I remember when I asked her to be my maid of honor for my wedding...her reaction was minimal, I don't even think she got all that excited for me. For my entire life I have felt like I have had to walk on eggshells around her, cater to her needs and curb my thoughts, opinions and actions so that she approves. I dont really know why I have been doing this, maybe because she is 9 years older than me; I have always looked up to her. But were older now so the age difference shouldn't really matter anymore. We should be equals, but hell will freeze over before she thinks and acts like that!

Oh yeah did I mention that she was over an hour late for my pictures on my wedding day?? What the hell was that all about? She tried to tell me that I didn't tell her what time to be there..umm well then wouldn't you ask? I was planning a wedding for goodness sakes!! She also gave all my girls a hard time with ALL of the planning and even gave me a hard time because I had a Saturday night wedding and she did a Saturday Day wedding to save money.

I feel like I constantly have to explain myself and my actions to her. Justify everything. Why can I just be me? Why cant she love me for who I am? Why can't she support me without having her push her own opinions about MY LIFE on me? I just dont get her. At all.

I dont want to lose my sister, but I dont know if I will be able to recover from this if she doesn't reach out to me soon. I would never let a day go by without calling her to talk to her if I knew that she was having a tough time with something in her life. NEVER. That is what sisters are for. To be there for each other through thick and thin. Good and Bad. Wether to agree with what they are doing or not. I love her with all my heart, but she puts me in a tough spot right now. I feel like she is making me go down a road that I don't want to go down, and I may never come back the same. It scares me.

Nasty Progesterone!

So I had my 5th shot of progesterone last night...it had to be the worst one yet. My entire hip is EXTREMELY sore and sometimes I even get a sharp pain in my hip when I move my neck a certain way!! WTH!!! Jay must have hit a bad spot! On top of that I am tired, pretty crampy and my boobs hurt...I know this is all from those nasty shots...why does it have to make you feel like your prego OR getting your period??? Just another way to mess with our heads!

This 2ww would be a little easier if my body wasn't constantly reminding me of what the hell I have been doing for the past month!!!

Hope everyone is having a Happy Hump Day!!

Give me a "P"

I am officially PUPO!! :)

I transferred one beautiful, perfect embie back. If you look at the black circle they drew that is where the blastocyst is starting to hatch! The RE told me that the other 8 are still doing well, so lets hope they last another day so they can be frozen.

After drinking about 5 glasses of water they brought me into the same room I had my retrieval. On a screen they first they showed me the petri dish with mine and my hubs name on it. I watched as they sucked my baby into a tube. Then they put the ultrasound on my belly and changed the screen to my uterus. As I watched intently the little bambino shot out of the tube and into my uterus. It was perfect. I totally shed a tiny tear. It was a totally amazing experience, I always did like science!

They wheeled me back into my room to wait for about 25 minutes. As I waited and waited, my bladder grew and grew. The last 10 minutes were so painful!!! Finally they told me I could get up, pee and go home.

I drove home talking to my little bambino, telling it to be a sticky one! Now I am just taking it easy, trying not to stress. Oh I pray to God that this works!!!

Ring Ring!

This morning is dragging! I am suppose to get a call between 9-11am to find out if I get my embie-baby back today (day 5) or tomorrow (day 6).

I was (still am) in a little predicament though...My work requires one designer there at all times, there are only 3 of us and one of them isn't even full time. So really either me or my boss has to be there. I went into work yesterday to find out that the part-timer is on jury duty and my boss called out sick. No Biggie. But then I thought about it. If I go into work today and I am the only one there again today, there would be no way I could just leave a 1/2 a day. I guess I could have lied and said that there was an emergency...but I am not really a good liar! Then they would be asking me all kinds of ?'s and I wouldn't have a story to tell!!!

If I knew that the transfer was definitely going to be today then I would have called out no problem. Watch, my luck they will call to tell me to come into tomorrow, then I am going to have to use 3 sick days in 2 weeks!

Fingers crossed that I go in today!!!

Day 5 or 6!!!

The RE called me today and they said that my little embie-babies are doing fantastic!! They are waiting for a day 5 or maybe even 6 transfer...so exciting!!

Still hurts!!

Its been almost 24 hours since my first shot and my ass still hurts like a mo fo!!

I limp when I walk and can hardly sit on the one side. I can only imagine how I will feel tonight when I have to inject my other cheek. :( I think I am going to ask my nurse if I can have some suppositories for the days when I am too sore for shots. I just cant see doing these darn shots for 10 weeks straight (if I get prego) that's a whole lotta shots in my butt...and if I am in this much pain already...geez!!!

Maybe they will let me take 2 shots then a suppository...2 shots then a suppository.

This has to be the worst part of IVF!!! (although I was very fortunate not to experience OHSS)

MY ASS HURTS!

Well the first day of progesterone is over and done with. Lets hope there are a lot more shots to come! LOL It really didn't hurt as bad as I thought it was going to, the actual needle that is. But its been about a half an hour and my butt cheek is still sore!! I rubbed it afterwards and walked around the house for a good 10 minutes, but it still hurts. :(

I don't think I drank enough fluids this morning/afternoon because by dinnertime I was SO BLOATED I couldn't even button up my jeans. So I have been drinking and peeing like crazy since dinner and I am feeling much better. It is so weird that water/Gatorade reverses the affect of bloating! I am still using the heating pad, even if its not doing anything it makes me feel better.

I had cramping yesterday and bloating today. But that is the extent of it. Lets just hope it stays that way!

Fertilization Report

Well...out of the 19 eggs they retrieved...13 were mature and 9 were fertilized!!!

9 were fertilized!!!! I am so friggin happy I can't contain myself. I honestly had fears and nightmares that my eggies were going to be no good.

I am going to get a call on Sunday (the dreaded Sunday) to find out if I do the ET that day or or if they get to day 5 the transfer will be on Tuesday. I guess it will make Mother's Day a little more bearable. I really hope this works out for us!!

Thanks for all your love and support!!!

Lucky number 19!

19 Eggs were retrieved!! WhooHoo!

I must admit the entire procedure was not as bad as I thought it was going to be. I was crampy afterwards but I came home and put a heating pad on my belly to make me feel better. My legs were achy too...but after a few hours I started to feel better.

So now I am just relaxing in front of the TV and filling up on liquids!

Lets just hope it stays this way!!! Thank you all for your kind words and much needed support! I will update you girls on my fertilization report!

Ok, I am going back to bed now! :)

my tummy is in knots

I went in again today. Totally lost track of counting the follies...all I know is I have a lot and it scares the hell out of me! Dr. A said that I was ready to go. I take 2 shots of the Ovidrel tonight, b/w and u/s tomorrow and I have my transfer on Thursday morning...I cant believe this is happening. I am so excited yet so friggin nervous. The only other time that I had surgery was to get my wisdom teeth taken out!

Doctor #3

I went into the RE's office again this morning...story of my life right now...and there was another doctor. Dr. S was VERY nice...I think if I could do it all over again (or if I have to) I would choose him to be my RE. I loved him from the minute that I met him. And he explained everything...something that I LOVE in a doctor, dentist, etc... I feel that the less I know the more I fear it. I do not like surprises nor being left in the dark about something. My dentist is funny because he knows this about me and explains everything he is doing, shows diagrams, and tries to be so helpful!

So when the RE #3 was this way...I was in heaven! At first I was a little taken back because RE #1 and #2 are not really like this. But now I just hope I see RE #3 a lot more! So anyways..he told me that it looks like I am ready to go...I will be taking one more dose of the Follistim tonight with the Genaralex and surprise, surprise come into the office tomorrow. My scheduled ER is going to be this Thursday!! Oh my gosh I cant believe its right around the corner.

I am glad that it is on Thursday because I will probably just take a nice long weekend. Then the ET will either be on Saturday or Monday. I know that a lot of women go on bed rest after the ET but I know 2 girls at my work who went to the same RE and was back at work the next day...(they are both prego by IVF#1 btw) So I don't know what I am going to do. Obviously if I am not feeling well I will stay in bed..hands down. But I don't want to use all my sick days for this one IVF in case I have to do another ET or *cringe* another IVF. I have to prepare myself.

I couldnt count how many follies I had..I think I had close to 20 follies ranging from 11-18mm...

Holy Meds!!

Here it is...the lovely picture of the wonderful meds! Oh how I love to be infertile!

Just another day

at the RE. Scratch my previous post about every other day. My RE wants to see me EVERYDAY. He says that because of the ease of my over-stimulation, he needs to keep a close watch on me. Which is all fine and good by me. As much as it sucks getting up at the crack of dawn everyday I would rather be safe than sorry. I also found out that for the last 6 months I have been paying my husbands copay of $30 for my doctor visits. I was suppose to be charged $15...so now we have a credit of $300! Crazy huh!

No protesters today so that was a relief. If they were there, I was seriously thinking of asking them why they were in front of a fertility clinic and not an abortion clinic. I am the type of person to speak up when I feel the need to. I wasn't always like this, thank my husband for erasing the shy in me :)

So Doctor A is really beginning to grow on me. And funny thing is, ever since he saw me tearing the other day he has been overly but genuinely nice to me. I am glad that we are working up such a lovely relationship! Especially since I have been and will be seeing him every gosh darn day!

So do you want to know my scan results from today??? I blew the f up!! In total I have about 15 follies that were around 14mm and about 16 or so that were less than 10mm. I lost track of what ovary has how many...when I am laying there I just try to remember all the numbers that he rattles off to the nurse. I know this is a good thing, but I am only on day four of the meds! This is why the IUI's don't work for me!

Pro Life

So I had to go to the RE's office today for yet another b/w and u/s. It is a different place than the one that I normally go to during the week. When we pulled in the parking lot there were bunch of people standing outside of the building holding "PRO LIFE" signs. I don't know why but this irritated the crap out of me. I am personally pro life (with some exceptions...like rape) but I am not the protesting type. Nor am I one to put someone else down for their own beliefs.

I guess I understand why they do what they do, but its not like an infertility clinic is an abortion clinic. Go somewhere else and protest! I am sorry but I am TRYING to GIVE life not kill it. I am sure it has something to do with the fertilized embies that get used for science or destroyed - but not everyone that goes through infertility does that. And I totally took offense to the protesters.

I also don't think using your embies, eggs or sperm for science is a bad thing either. If it wasn't for science you and I may never have that chance of becoming pregnant! I am sorry I just had to get that off my chest....it really bothered me. Has anyone else ever seen protesters at their clinic?

Anyways.....I had 5 -12mm follies with 10 less than 10mm on my right and 2 -12mm follies with 8 less than 10mm on my left. So it seems like no more has appeared but there are a good 7 that are getting bigger!!! Yeah!! I am on the right track!!

LOADED UP!

I just went foodshopping for my protein and potassium diet.
Gatorade, protein drinks, protein meal bars, bannanas, raisins, wheat germ, water, bacon, peanut butter, celery, corned beef....this is what my diet consists of for the next 2 weeks or so.

Call me crazy but I will do ANYTHING to help prevent it...

Thank goodness it is FRIDAY!!! I cant wait to sleep in!!! Everyone have a wonderful weekend!

every other day

so I had my b/w and u/s today...every other day....
25 follies....10 on the left, 15 on the right. All less than 10mm.
But its only day 2 of the meds. I just hope that no more show up and those just grow, grow, grow!!!