So onto IUI #2. I went to my RE yesterday for my day 3 blood work and ultrasound. With all the great things that I have said about my RE, today is not going to be the same. He must have been having a bad day or something because he was very cold, quick and acted as if I was just a number. Something that I have never experienced with him.
During my u/s he was very aggressive, and it almost made me cry. He told me that everything looks good, they were just going to check my blood work before I start Clomid again. (I got a call later that day with the OK) Before he left the room I wanted to ask him 2 quick questions. All of which would have taken 3 minutes at most. I didn't even get half of the first question out when he cut me off to say "I don't care about your charts"
I was a little taken back by this rude comment, since I was only trying to ask if he thought that I had a short Luteal Phase. So I spoke up again saying the words short Luteal Phase...before he interrupted me yet again saying "that fact has never been proven" Then before I could say anything else he says "you have better things to do with your time"
I WAS SHOCKED. I am sorry but it is a little hard not to analyze my body and my charts. I am constantly going into the office, filling prescriptions, taking a pill, OPKing or take a HPT. So you tell me, how can I not think about it??? How am I suppose to be doing other things with my time??? Plus....I am the type of person that likes to know. Even when I go to the dentist, I have him tell me everything he is doing - and describing in detail. It just makes me feel more comfortable about the situations. I don't like to be kept in the dark.
So I didn't even get to ask the 2nd question...surprise, surprise. But it was about fertility blend for Jay and we just bought it anyways. I figure that he was having a bad day, they were packed with women that morning. But it still doesn't give him the right to be rude. But I am over it and I'm willing to give him the benefit of the doubt. Plus they accept 100% of my insurance and they are right next to my work which makes it convenient.
I also think doctors want you to feel like they have everything under control. If he thought that my Luteal Phase was too short he would have been doing something about it. So maybe, in a way, I hurt his feelings by questioning his expertise...Just trying to think of the other side of things.
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Recent History
For the past 2 months we have been seeing our fertility doctor. I was assigned a nurse whom I can call with any questions or concerns. When I first met my doctor, he was excellent. Very educated, well spoken and explained everything. He wasn't the warmest fellow, but then again, how warm do you really want that kind of a doctor to be : ) Every time I went into see him, I would walk out with such a greater understanding of everything and that made me happy.
The first thing the RE had us do, was for Jay to get an SA. He did this twice to make sure the results are accurate. Unfortunately that was another strike against us; one that we weren't expecting at all. His morphology wasn't as good as it should be and we were distraught. First I don't ovulate and now his guys are mis-shaped. But upon talking with my RE he assured us that we should still be able to conceive and he doesn't think we will have to go as far as IVF. Even though I will not rule that out until I give birth to my first.
Our RE told us that our first step would be to put me on 50mg of Clomid (which helps me ovulate) opk until I get a + then do back to back IUI's with a trigger shot of Ovidrel. The IUI's help Jays lil guys because they wash them and pick out the best ones. Last month was our first try with IUI. But unfortunately it was a big ole failure!
It is a tough pill to swallow, especially when we thought that this would be it. My husband, again is the cutest thing alive and told me that our second time will be a charm! : ) I just hope he is right. It really stinks when another month goes by. You find out that your not pregnant by getting your period...ugh!! So on top of the feelings of failure, you are just one big ball of tears and messy emotions.
But some days go by and it gets a little better each day. I don't think I would be able to do it without Jay (or my Sammie either) He is my constant. My positive thoughts when mine don't exist. My reason to keep trying, when I have totally given up.
Don't get me wrong, I know that there are some couples out there who have been trying for years upon years. And that pisses on my measly one year. Maybe you just get all too numb to the idea of getting pregnant after so many years. Or maybe they are just a lot stronger than I. Sometimes I cant help but think that maybe this is what God wants for me. Maybe I am not suppose to be a mother. But the thought of that makes me weak. This is something that I have always wanted, always dreamed of...
The first thing the RE had us do, was for Jay to get an SA. He did this twice to make sure the results are accurate. Unfortunately that was another strike against us; one that we weren't expecting at all. His morphology wasn't as good as it should be and we were distraught. First I don't ovulate and now his guys are mis-shaped. But upon talking with my RE he assured us that we should still be able to conceive and he doesn't think we will have to go as far as IVF. Even though I will not rule that out until I give birth to my first.
Our RE told us that our first step would be to put me on 50mg of Clomid (which helps me ovulate) opk until I get a + then do back to back IUI's with a trigger shot of Ovidrel. The IUI's help Jays lil guys because they wash them and pick out the best ones. Last month was our first try with IUI. But unfortunately it was a big ole failure!
It is a tough pill to swallow, especially when we thought that this would be it. My husband, again is the cutest thing alive and told me that our second time will be a charm! : ) I just hope he is right. It really stinks when another month goes by. You find out that your not pregnant by getting your period...ugh!! So on top of the feelings of failure, you are just one big ball of tears and messy emotions.
But some days go by and it gets a little better each day. I don't think I would be able to do it without Jay (or my Sammie either) He is my constant. My positive thoughts when mine don't exist. My reason to keep trying, when I have totally given up.
Don't get me wrong, I know that there are some couples out there who have been trying for years upon years. And that pisses on my measly one year. Maybe you just get all too numb to the idea of getting pregnant after so many years. Or maybe they are just a lot stronger than I. Sometimes I cant help but think that maybe this is what God wants for me. Maybe I am not suppose to be a mother. But the thought of that makes me weak. This is something that I have always wanted, always dreamed of...
Back Blogging
Jay and I were married about a year and a half ago. We have been dating for almost 8 years. We did the casual dating, we lived together in a few different apartments and now we own a home. About a year ago we decided to take the next logic step a married couple would. We wanted a baby. For the first 6 months we took it slow. I went off birth control, and we made it fun! But secretly I knew something wasn't right.
About 6 years ago I was diagnosed with PCOS. The GYN shoved a pamphlet in my face and told me to changed my dieting habits and that I might not be able to get pregnant. I was crushed, but young and didn't know better than to listen to one person's opinion.
So there I was, trying to start a family with the love of my life, knowing that it wasn't going to happen. I decided to go to a different GYN for some further testing. He ended up recommending us to see a fertility specialist. I couldn't believe that I was going to be one of those women. But back then I had no idea just how common it was to have problems getting pregnant.
So onto the charting, the temping, the OPKing, the HPTing, watching for every sign that my body goes through...it is completely and utterly a total mind warp. My husband tries to understand, but again it is my body, my periods, my signs and I am the one to inevitably get pregnant. Even though he is going through this with me, I am still on my own with this one. (does that make any sense?)
Now its been about a year of trying and still no baby. It has to be the biggest emotional test that my mind and body is going through. So many days I just want to feel sorry for myself and cry my heart out. But thats just not right. I try to be brave, hold some of those emotions in, and not think about it ALL the time... but until you have been through it, you will never understand. I don't mean to be brash, but its the total truth.
About 6 years ago I was diagnosed with PCOS. The GYN shoved a pamphlet in my face and told me to changed my dieting habits and that I might not be able to get pregnant. I was crushed, but young and didn't know better than to listen to one person's opinion.
So there I was, trying to start a family with the love of my life, knowing that it wasn't going to happen. I decided to go to a different GYN for some further testing. He ended up recommending us to see a fertility specialist. I couldn't believe that I was going to be one of those women. But back then I had no idea just how common it was to have problems getting pregnant.
So onto the charting, the temping, the OPKing, the HPTing, watching for every sign that my body goes through...it is completely and utterly a total mind warp. My husband tries to understand, but again it is my body, my periods, my signs and I am the one to inevitably get pregnant. Even though he is going through this with me, I am still on my own with this one. (does that make any sense?)
Now its been about a year of trying and still no baby. It has to be the biggest emotional test that my mind and body is going through. So many days I just want to feel sorry for myself and cry my heart out. But thats just not right. I try to be brave, hold some of those emotions in, and not think about it ALL the time... but until you have been through it, you will never understand. I don't mean to be brash, but its the total truth.
Friday, January 30, 2009
It's just the begining...
So I never thought I would be the one to be blogging, but so much has been going on in my life I just need to get it out somehow! It's sort of like a journal or diary, but anyone can read it. Eh, I don't mind. I am an open person and will tell you pretty much anything anyways...
I guess I will start by saying that I am 26 years old and born on April 12, 1982. I have a sister named Kara (36) and a brother named Troy (38). My brother has 3 kids - Chad, Megan and Jaiden. My sister has 2 kids - Forrest and Morgan. All of which I love dearly.
I am married to an amazing husband. I can't even begin to describe how amazing. I truly found my soul mate. His name is Jason and he is 30. He proposed to me on Valentines Day (so not cheesy like many would say) and he took me back the place where we first met. It was so very cute and he was so very nervous. We got married on September 29, 2007 - the best day of my life! (and hopefully his too!)
The very next day we were on a plane to Hawaii!!! This by far is the most gorgeous place I have ever been to and by far one of the best times that I have ever shared with my love. We explored, snorkeled, dined (very expensively I might add), shopped, biked down a volcano, zip-lined across the wettest place on earth, and just lounged on the hammocks at night with the cool breeze across our cheeks. It was the best honeymoon a girl could ask for. Ooh . . . to re-live those moments again!!
At last, my hubby and I have been home owners for a little less than 2 years. We bought an older 2 story home, and renovate
d it to its fullest. Everything is brand new and is what we wanted. It is our home and feels like our home. We have 3 furbabies...2 cats - Blaze and Cali and a Puggle named Sammie. They totally get us through any low points of our lives.
So that is about it. That is me. Pretty basic, pretty boring. But its me and I cherish everyday!
I guess I will start by saying that I am 26 years old and born on April 12, 1982. I have a sister named Kara (36) and a brother named Troy (38). My brother has 3 kids - Chad, Megan and Jaiden. My sister has 2 kids - Forrest and Morgan. All of which I love dearly.
I am married to an amazing husband. I can't even begin to describe how amazing. I truly found my soul mate. His name is Jason and he is 30. He proposed to me on Valentines Day (so not cheesy like many would say) and he took me back the place where we first met. It was so very cute and he was so very nervous. We got married on September 29, 2007 - the best day of my life! (and hopefully his too!)
The very next day we were on a plane to Hawaii!!! This by far is the most gorgeous place I have ever been to and by far one of the best times that I have ever shared with my love. We explored, snorkeled, dined (very expensively I might add), shopped, biked down a volcano, zip-lined across the wettest place on earth, and just lounged on the hammocks at night with the cool breeze across our cheeks. It was the best honeymoon a girl could ask for. Ooh . . . to re-live those moments again!!
At last, my hubby and I have been home owners for a little less than 2 years. We bought an older 2 story home, and renovate
d it to its fullest. Everything is brand new and is what we wanted. It is our home and feels like our home. We have 3 furbabies...2 cats - Blaze and Cali and a Puggle named Sammie. They totally get us through any low points of our lives.So that is about it. That is me. Pretty basic, pretty boring. But its me and I cherish everyday!
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