Recent History

For the past 2 months we have been seeing our fertility doctor. I was assigned a nurse whom I can call with any questions or concerns. When I first met my doctor, he was excellent. Very educated, well spoken and explained everything. He wasn't the warmest fellow, but then again, how warm do you really want that kind of a doctor to be : ) Every time I went into see him, I would walk out with such a greater understanding of everything and that made me happy.

The first thing the RE had us do, was for Jay to get an SA. He did this twice to make sure the results are accurate. Unfortunately that was another strike against us; one that we weren't expecting at all. His morphology wasn't as good as it should be and we were distraught. First I don't ovulate and now his guys are mis-shaped. But upon talking with my RE he assured us that we should still be able to conceive and he doesn't think we will have to go as far as IVF. Even though I will not rule that out until I give birth to my first.

Our RE told us that our first step would be to put me on 50mg of Clomid (which helps me ovulate) opk until I get a + then do back to back IUI's with a trigger shot of Ovidrel. The IUI's help Jays lil guys because they wash them and pick out the best ones. Last month was our first try with IUI. But unfortunately it was a big ole failure!

It is a tough pill to swallow, especially when we thought that this would be it. My husband, again is the cutest thing alive and told me that our second time will be a charm! : ) I just hope he is right. It really stinks when another month goes by. You find out that your not pregnant by getting your period...ugh!! So on top of the feelings of failure, you are just one big ball of tears and messy emotions.

But some days go by and it gets a little better each day. I don't think I would be able to do it without Jay (or my Sammie either) He is my constant. My positive thoughts when mine don't exist. My reason to keep trying, when I have totally given up.

Don't get me wrong, I know that there are some couples out there who have been trying for years upon years. And that pisses on my measly one year. Maybe you just get all too numb to the idea of getting pregnant after so many years. Or maybe they are just a lot stronger than I. Sometimes I cant help but think that maybe this is what God wants for me. Maybe I am not suppose to be a mother. But the thought of that makes me weak. This is something that I have always wanted, always dreamed of...