My mind is playing tricks on me.

I have this overwhelming feeling like I miscarried. I know it could be all in my head so I am hoping that you girls can talk some sense into me. I am about 9 and a half weeks. The last time I saw bambino and heard the heartbeat was at 8 weeks. Being that I got to see the baby once a week it was a definite guarantee that he/she was still alive and growing.

I not going to the OB until another 3 weeks! And I am wondering if this is the reason for my concern. I know that this is common, especially in the early stages, but I just cant seem to shake the feeling. There are two reasons why I feel this way...one is that my boobs no longer hurt as much as they did and two (which may sound silly) but I broke 2 nails. I read somewhere that it would raise suspicion of a miscarriage if your nails suddenly start to break. They have been long, lustrous and beautiful for the past 8 weeks and now just this week they started to break. WTH!!

I read about a missed miscarriage and one way to notice that you had one is for your preggo symptoms to disappear. Figures that other than my boobs - I didn't really have any other symptoms to go by. I was gagging at one point but I realized that it was my prenatal vitamins and once I switched brands the gagging stopped.

The only thing I still hold onto is the fact that I am still getting a very, very mild cramping everyday. I have had it since I first found out and still to this day. It is the only thing that keeps me going that there is still something going on in there.

This is so nerve wracking!!! This constant worry just stinks!!

I'm Sick!

Yuck. I have a sore throat!! Its all scratchy and is making me cough a lot...which doesnt help the gagging. fun, fun :) It just goes to show you that no matter how healthy you are, taking your vitamins and eating healthy...you are still going to get sick. I just hope my body can fight off the infection quickly and I can get back to enjoying my pregnancy! Because right now I just want to rip my throat out!!! I need to go home and sleeeeeep.

I have been released.

From my RE's care, I now move on to the OB/GYN. It is a great feeling, but I know that I am still not out of the woods yet..........

The icing on the cake!

HAHA. I just got an email at work...saying that there has been a promotion!!! Are you flipping kidding me?!?!?! I don't know how my work can blatantly lie to us, use us and abuse us! I didn't know the promotion freeze only affected certain people. I don't understand how they can do that! This place makes me so mad.

Thanks girls...for your kind and inspiring words. I know that I should just stick it out. I want my maternity leave...all of it...all 4/5 months of it. So I am going to stay, tough it out and then look for a new job while on my leave. Its the only thing I can do. It sucks but I am not number one anymore :) I have to do right by the baby! Thanks again girls...you always know how to make me feel better!

Feeling Stuck!

They are dropping like flies...my co-workers that is. In the last month I have seen about 10 people leave my job. Not good. The place is a mess and its just not fun to work here anymore. Granted I know that the economy is not doing that well - but all these people are finding jobs...I should be able to too!

I don't really feel appreciated at my job. I have been here for 3 years and stuck through thick and thin. It seems it has been at its ultimate low this past year and I am still here. They put a salary increase, hiring and promotion freeze for an entire year. And figures it was going to be the year that I was going to get a promotion. So of course I am not seeing a promotion or an annual raise until next September! Such bullshit.

On top of all of that. There are suppose to be 3 graphic designers handling all the crap that they throw at us. They hired me as the 3rd, 3 years ago. Since then one of the graphic designers left and it has been hell ever since. I have had to deal with 2 people doing the work load of 3 (or more) people for the last 2 years and frankly I am sick of it!!! They hired a part timer (who was pretty slow and hard to work with) and promised they would hire her full time this September. Well she just gave in her 2 weeks today and now they are saying that they want to hire someone part time again. Get the fluck outta here. I have waited for over a year for a 3rd designer and they are going deny us because of 2 months?!?! It doesn't even make sense anyways - By the time they get someone in here, train them...it will be August, September anyways. It just frustrates me how they take advantage of me and the other designer. We are fed up.

So my dilemma is....I would love to find another job, but with me expecting - how can I possibly do that?!!? I guess I have to just deal with it until I go on maternity and then try and find a job then. If I get a new job now - I would have hardly any maternity - and I DON'T want that. It just sucks how this all is playing out.

If they don't hire a full timer - I really feel like I should get a decent raise and a title change, but I know that is not going to fly with them. (even though I found out that another girl got a raise when her co-worker went out on maternity leave - and this was after the freeze!) I hate the politics in this place!

I am sorry - none of this probably makes any sense. I just needed to get it out. I am so raged right now I don't know what to do....I want more money, a new job, not to be taken advantage of...probably how a lot of people feel right now!

Ultrasound #3

I went to the RE again today for my third ultrasound. Everything looked great - Bambino is getting big! :) The heartbeat is still going at a rate of 145bmp. They also told me that I am going to have to go one more time and then I start going to an OB. My next appointment is on Wednesday. Another good thing is that I am going to finish up this week of the shots - and then I am done!!! Yeah!!! Ill tell ya though, I did get kinda use to taking them. It became such a routine that it didn't even phase me anymore, nor did they hurt anymore either.

So that's all I have to update, hope all are having a good weekend.

How Embarassing!

I was in the ladies room at my work coughing and heaving (I'm lucky that I am not throwing up, but its still early) and the HR lady whose office sits across from the bathroom came into the bathroom to ask if I was okay!! Crap - I didnt know I was that loud! If I keep this up everyone at my work will know that I am KU!

I had to make up this lame excuse that I was having a coughing fit!

I always feel like I should run to the bathroom, because the off chance that I do throw up I dont have my entire department witnessing it!!

Ultrasound #2

We heard the heartbeat!!! It was the sweetest sound I have ever heard - and I totally teared up. The RE said that everything looks great and Bambino's heartbeat is at 114bpm's!! I didn't get to see the flicker - but the hubs said he saw it. :) The image of the ultrasound didn't come out to well, but I thought it was cool to see the sound waves of Bambino's heartbeat!

Well that's about it - hope you all are having a great weekend!

Emotional Rollercoaster.

So far I have been on one hellofa ride! One minute I am happy, then next I am crying, and the next I am depressed! I cant seem to get a grip on my emotions! Its crazy!

About a week before I would get my period I would be like this...but for only a day or 2, so it was easier to handle. I dont mind my crazy emotions so much, but I am sure that my husband wishes it were over! LOL - poor guy!

Hope everyone has a wonderful weekend!

GAG

Well I cant say that I have thrown up at all...but I can say that I cant stop gagging! I get a little nauseous, run to the toilet and GAG. I almost want to throw up because then maybe the nasty nausea will go away. It started a few days ago...and I have about 6 more weeks to go! :)

I dont care though...I am just happy that I am starting to 'feel' preggo!