Back Blogging

Jay and I were married about a year and a half ago. We have been dating for almost 8 years. We did the casual dating, we lived together in a few different apartments and now we own a home. About a year ago we decided to take the next logic step a married couple would. We wanted a baby. For the first 6 months we took it slow. I went off birth control, and we made it fun! But secretly I knew something wasn't right.

About 6 years ago I was diagnosed with PCOS. The GYN shoved a pamphlet in my face and told me to changed my dieting habits and that I might not be able to get pregnant. I was crushed, but young and didn't know better than to listen to one person's opinion.

So there I was, trying to start a family with the love of my life, knowing that it wasn't going to happen. I decided to go to a different GYN for some further testing. He ended up recommending us to see a fertility specialist. I couldn't believe that I was going to be one of those women. But back then I had no idea just how common it was to have problems getting pregnant.

So onto the charting, the temping, the OPKing, the HPTing, watching for every sign that my body goes through...it is completely and utterly a total mind warp. My husband tries to understand, but again it is my body, my periods, my signs and I am the one to inevitably get pregnant. Even though he is going through this with me, I am still on my own with this one. (does that make any sense?)

Now its been about a year of trying and still no baby. It has to be the biggest emotional test that my mind and body is going through. So many days I just want to feel sorry for myself and cry my heart out. But thats just not right. I try to be brave, hold some of those emotions in, and not think about it ALL the time... but until you have been through it, you will never understand. I don't mean to be brash, but its the total truth.