I was so nervous to tell my sister that we are expecting. I was in fear that she would be a brat about it, or not all that excited for us. Well, she did surprise me, with a little bit of what I was expecting. First off I haven't seen her since I found out so about 15 minutes after talking with her, she looked at me and asked "whats different about you?" I guess she just figured that I was - knowing from my mother that I went through IVF.
I told her and the next words out of her mouth were... "I told you so! I told you that it was going to happen." I just knew that she would push it in my face somehow. I ignored it the first time but when she said it again I decided to tell her "well I don't think you know what I had to go to through to get here." She said "well yeah, but your pregnant - and with science I knew it was bound to happen." I kinda felt like slapping her, but I refrained myself. If she only knew or maybe if she was the least bit supportive in the last 2 years of my life maybe she wouldn't have said these things. So I just brushed it off, hugged her, she cried and it was over.
The next day she called me. "How are you feeling?" "Do you have this book or that book?" "I have a bunch of maternity clothes that I can give you." "If you have any questions, just call!" Its like she did a 360 over night. But I guess I will take what I can get. Although it is still hard for me to forget the last 2 years.
I talked to my mother and she said that my sister immediately called her to tell her "I told you so, too" We came to the conclusion that she thinks I was overreacting about not being able to get pregnant, hence the lack of love and support I guess. If she thinks that shooting myself up with meds, 2 inch needles in my ass, doctors and blood tests galore, etc etc isn't a big deal...well then I would like to see her go through it! :)
Funny thing is too - she thinks that I conceived right after her giving me that note. You know - the one that stressed me out and pissed me off even more. The one where she told me that I was rushing having a baby and I should enjoy my Independence and marriage. Well she thinks that because of her, because of that fabulous note - I am now pregnant. She is something!
But all in all I am happy with the outcome. I was expecting worse, so this was a nice surprise. And when it all comes down to it, it is mine and Jay's life together - no one elses!
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You know, it's funny, but I really don't think that anyone who hasn't gone through infertility would get this post. They probably wouldn't see what was wrong with your sister's reaction. But the rest of us, who have gone through this, realize that the person being told "I told you so" is just sitting there thinking "Umm, you don't realize that this had a much higher chance of NOT working. I got lucky that it worked! And you know nothing about it! You can't say 'I told you so' when you know nothing about it! You were just being a jerk before. I was the one who was right to be stressed out and upset about not getting pregnant. You were the one who was wrong to be so flippant about everything!"
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you happy with the outcome. But I still understand your frustrations with your sister.
I just think the whole, "I told you so" is terribly insensitive. It irritates the shit out of me that people don't take infertility seriously. It's not easy...not even remotely and yet we stay strong and endure. I'm proud of you honey!! You keep on sticking up for yourself and take advantage of whatever she wants to give you! :) She owes you! LOL
ReplyDeletesigh. Hopefully she's done minimizing what you went through to get KU and you can have a relationship with her again. I'd want to deck her, too.
ReplyDeleteSometimes when people don't know how to relate, they retreat - without realizing how it makes us feel like aliens. I hope you are able to move forward. And you're absolutely right. It's about you, your hubby, and your baby!
I hear ya. Family is just freaking ridiculous sometimes. Esp. with my younger sister who had the first kids in the family...I've wanted to deck her so many times for making me cry and for the horrid things she's said! But, throughout the infertility journey I've learned that it's so much easier to just let go and let things roll off--she's not going to change (neither is my crazy mother-in-law) so I need to figure out how operate in "damage control" around them. Somehow those awful comments are STUCK in my head forever, but at least it's not making me bitter like it was in the beginning. Seriously, these people need to go to manners school!!
ReplyDeleteAwww, c'mon! Can't we still slap her? Please??? I REALLY want to!
ReplyDeleteWow! I can't believe you're almost into the 2nd tri! And getting a cute belly too, I'm so excited for you! :)