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Thursday, April 30, 2009

Little bit of a breakdown

So I had a little bit of a breakdown last night. Yelled, got frustrated, confused, cried, yelled some more...I didnt know what was going on!!! So this is the start of the IVF emotional breakdown everyone talks about!!

First Jay and I get confused about what meds to give me. Yesterday on the phone, my nurse said to take Menopur - 2 parts powder to 1 part liquid. Seems easy right. Well when I was watching the video it said to use on 1ml of liquid for 1 powder and you can add up to 5 powders to that first mixture (the directions said the same thing). Since the liquid bottle was 2ml my question was do I take 2 powders and 1 liquid(2ml) or do I do what the instructions say and take 1ml of liquid to 2 powders?!?!! So confusing!!!

So then I am freaking out a little bit because I was instructed to take 125 of the Follistim. I took 75 and my ovaries blew up!! And then adding Menopur (which esentially does the same thing) to the mix....scares the hell out of me. I know that I should trust the doctors, but for some reason I didn't. I ended up doing what they told me to do. But I didnt like it one bit!

Not to mention the Menopur hurt when Jay injected me with it...I felt all the fluid being pushed into my belly! Ughh!! I know, I know...I am just a baby!! LOL

I was a mess last night! Started crying that I dont want to do this, and how much I fear ohss. How I think the RE is giving me too much medication....this sucks! Infertility sucks! Why me! Why any of us!!! Oh yeah and to make matters worse. I get into work today to find out that my good guy friend and his wife are pregnant....again! Baby number 2 and they weren't even trying. So flipping annoying.

I go for a consultation with the RE today. So I am hoping that it will ease my mind a little. Well actually a lot! I just want to fast forward my life to my beta...
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7 comments:

  1. MApril 30, 2009 at 7:47 AM

    Oh Ashley! I wish I could come over there and give you a hug!

    I am glad you are seeing your RE today and can get some questions answered. When do you have your first U/S to check for follie growth? They will adjust your dosages hun to try avoid the OHSS, I'm sure!!

    IVF sucks. It's physically and emotionally exhausting. But SOOO worth it if it works. Keep your eye on the prize. These next few weeks will breeze by, I know it!

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  2. Steph April 30, 2009 at 8:03 AM

    (((((HUGS)))))

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  3. KristinApril 30, 2009 at 8:12 AM

    I'm so sorry that we are going through all this. You are a very strong woman, and you CAN do this. I know its scary; I'm scared too. Try to just trust the doctors and know that they are the experts. You want lots and lots of follies this time! I hope that you get some answers today and that the RE is able to calm your fears. (((HUGS)))

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  4. KittyApril 30, 2009 at 8:28 AM

    Huge ((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))

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  5. Open Roads MamaApril 30, 2009 at 9:53 AM

    oh my goodness :( hang in there, it'll all be worth it in the end, but the process does not sound like fun... argh

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  6. AllisonApril 30, 2009 at 10:35 AM

    ((((((((((((((((((Ashley))))))))))))))))))

    I hope your appt eases some of your concerns and fears. This part sucks, but you'll be having your beta before you know it, and you've got lotsa people praying for you.

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  7. LaurenMay 1, 2009 at 5:45 AM

    Oh, Ashley,

    I'm on Bravelle, which is pretty much the same as Menopur (same company, almost the exact same medication, and you have to reconstitute it the exact same way). First of all, it doesn't really matter how much liquid you use. You're right that you can reconstitute up to like 6 vials in I think 1 mL of fluid. So don't worry about that. You can easily just use the 1 mL for those two vials you're using. The liquid doesn't make much of a difference.

    I tend to use as little liquid as possible because you're right - IT REALLY HURTS!!! I don't know why. The HCG doesn't burn when I inject it, but that freaking Bravelle really hurts!

    I knwo you're really afraid of OHSS. But honestly, if you get it it is treatable. It won't be the end of the world. I'm not trying to say your fears are silly, I just want to set your mind at ease. It's not like OHSS will kill you or your fertility. It rarely gets to the point where it's really really horrible.

    I'm sorry you're so stressed. I know the feeling. Yelling, crying, yelling...

    (((HUGS)))

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